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Spider
The colored leaves
Hide my eyes
The spider web
Retrieves my rhymes
Wrapped in silken
Bed she lies
Her pillowed head
Spun sunset die
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I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Wed, 2013-02-27 00:48
I'm not sure I get this.
the line
Retrieves my rhymes
could be re-worked, IMO,
perhaps
Bespeaks my rhymes,
just a suggestion.
Not sure about the last line either
Spun sunset die[s]
I like it, but it could use some work.
Or I am stupid.
cheers,
Jess
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