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The Spectrum (rhyme crimes)
Opposite ends of the wheel
the distance far too great
you've lost your sense of feel
and for me it's way too late.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Wed, 2012-06-06 22:05
hi Richard
Good to see you use my favorite rhyme pattern (abab). Rhymes are exact. One of these days you'll write a lengthy poem and I'll die from shock (just kidding.......I think)...............stan
themoonman
Thu, 2012-06-07 10:17
thanks Stan,
This was merely a quatrain with proper rhyme,
more could be added but wouldn't want to be guilty
of shocking you (lol)
author commentweirdelf
Thu, 2012-06-07 05:07
rhyme is fine
contenct lacking
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
themoonman
Thu, 2012-06-07 10:19
Thanks Jess,
ahhh, I'll have to work on it.
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2012-08-06 02:18
I've re-read it in a better mood
and like what it says. almost japanese in succinctity.
You can always trust me to be honest, but you can never trust my mood [grins]
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
judyanne
Thu, 2012-06-07 11:26
great richard
so far .... lol
wesley wanted at least two verses, so you'd better add another before he gets here and gives you the hardest assignment :)
and anyway - this needs more elaboration imho
as you well know - this is perfect rhyme xx
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
wesley snow
Fri, 2012-06-08 22:04
Judy and I both have no fear of "The Long Poem",
so we both always want more. I think I said "one OR two quatrains", but I'm not wading through it all to find out .
At any rate, we wanted a demonstration that the poet understood the leader's definition of a "proper" rhyme and you do.
I like the poem despite what Judy and Jess feel. Sure it needs fleshing out- it's only one and I'm not asking for quality until the third poem (at which time I may lose some participants due the complexity I'll demand).
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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