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Speak To The Heart Of A Dying Man

Submitted by Dennis Go on Fri, 2011-01-21 11:58

Speak to the heart
Of a dying man
Corroded by the words
Said in gradual
Discourse.

In a strange hour
He will be freed.
The flask of his thoughts
Stained
And emptied.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

Dennis Go

Sat, 2011-01-22 01:39

Dennis Go's picture

Thanks Xena :)

____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis

"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius

author comment

Dennis Go

Sat, 2011-01-22 01:40

Dennis Go's picture

I'm glad you liked its "brutality"! Thanks for the wonderful comment!

____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis

"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius

author comment

Dennis Go

Sat, 2011-01-22 01:40

Dennis Go's picture

Thanks Shirley :)

____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis

"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius

author comment

Nordic cloud

Sat, 2011-01-22 06:07

Nordic cloud's picture

Oh that bottle stained,
the corrosion, browned, black,
the dying voice
the strange hour
freed, empty, no more.

I like this one Love Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Dennis Go

Sat, 2011-01-22 19:24

Dennis Go's picture

Glad you like this piece :)

____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis

"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius

author comment

Dennis Go

Sat, 2011-01-22 19:26

Dennis Go's picture

Superlative? That's an overstatement. :)

It's really inspires me to see you great poets appreciate my work.

____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis

"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius

author comment
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