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Spartan 007...

Submitted by Geezer on Sun, 2023-02-26 20:14

Killer had him by the throat
looked into his eyes
"You must be the part of me
I thoroughly despise"

What will you do, when I am gone?
Your shackles, lay to rust?
Your questions go unanswered
Dreams of freedom gone to dust

For your brash behavior causes havoc
and you would surely fall
Yes... imprisoned for forever life
stuck behind stone walls

So, don't disparage my devotion
to my brother's killing soul
You're the only reason I exist
so your safety is my goal

"Ahhhh... Woe is me, my brother dear
Twins from Dike and Zeus
We need each other, I can see
I guess you'll be of use"

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Feedback on the story. Maybe this will be something, maybe not... ~ Geez. .
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Mon, 2023-02-27 09:07

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Killer has another personality he calls Sir Gee. It is modeled on the precept of Sir Gawain,
the knight from Tales of King Arthur
Sir Gee is always yapping about how Killer shouldn't eat human flesh and take so many chances
in his killing of rapists and murderers. There are some vignettes with conversations between Killer and Sir Gee
scattered throughout my Killer poems.

Here are a couple of titles:

Who Goes There?
Who Lost?

Thanks for your read and comments, ~ Geezer.
.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

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RoseBlack

Mon, 2023-02-27 07:58

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Sounds like he is looking inward and challenging his demons. The two sides of Killer battling between what is right and wrong. Glad to see him back in the game.

~RoseBlack~

Geezer

Mon, 2023-02-27 09:15

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I fear that the battle will always be on. They cannot live without each other, as they are so completely intertwined. As long as there is a Sir Gee, there will be a Killer and likewise; Killer will always harbor a Sir Gee. Anubis is the glue that holds them together, as he represents the black dog of loyalty, neither of them holding favor over the other. ~ Geez.
.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 10:10

Seren's picture

I get it. I got it right from the start, I've been reading killer for a long time, and I need to catch up all his exploits in between then and now.

"Ahhhh... Woe is me, my brother dear
Twins from Dike and Zeus
We need each other, I can see
I guess you'll be of use"

When was your last Sir Gee post if you dont mind me asking?

love and higgliest bugs Sis xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Geezer

Wed, 2023-03-01 11:03

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to Ekaterina, there are a few of conversations between Killer and Sir Gee. Two of them are Who Goes There? and Who Lost?. I know there are more, but I don'r know exactly where at the moment. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 11:06

Seren's picture

It's OK I have time, I will find them eventually

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Candlewitch

Thu, 2023-03-02 08:12

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this is great, I thoroughly enjoyed! but i feel like it is unfinished, like there is more to be told. it might be helpful if you wrote it out like a conversation of who said what? just a suggestion. it is good even if you don't.

*ever, eddy styx
* hugs, Cat

and may i say that Killer is developing into a well fleshed out character, *hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Geezer

Thu, 2023-03-02 09:04

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It feels that way to me too. I think that maybe we will have a few more soliloquies,
although I'm not sure if speaking to another of his personalities, could be called that.
What say the peanut-gallery? If you are speaking to one of your other personalities,
is it a soliloquy? I thought that the direction of the conversation would be determined
by the quotation marks around Killer's part. Maybe not? ~ Geez.
.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

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