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Sovereignty...

The sovereignty of ownership
and a tale of lies
outweighs the council of friendslip
is a word to the wise

Chances are that gambling
involves a coming clean
take off the stealthy ring
Gollum's journey to be seen

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

that you may, in fact be right. I was going for a sort of old English feel, but I do believe that it is not necessary to the line.
Thanks, ~ Gee.
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author comment

Hi, Geezer,
LOTR! My, precious! Wonderful language! I'm sure you know that J. R.R. Tolkien created languages in his writings, especially the Elvish. I feel the spirit and the nature of the language here - and an eeriness, too. When reading, I hear the voice of Gandalf. Wonderful!
Thank you,
L

I did know that Tolkien created languages just for his stories. What a marvelous writer! I'm glad that you liked it and heard the voice of a wise and loyal friend. That is the spirit it was written in. ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
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author comment

Conquered by true friendship and the lesson learned - who may be your friend, truly?
Masterfully done Gee,
Mark

THE MARK
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If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to let the author know you were there. Study it and form an opinion as well, even if it means going back to it more than once. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about.

I do believe that you have the story correct. That is exactly the spirit it was written in. I'm glad you liked it and understood the premise. ~ Gee.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

author comment
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