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Sonnet 18 (Celestial Happenstance)

Some love is as that of the moon and sun;
It’s true, although they rarely ever meet,
When they eclipse, they will become as one
And propagate the stars in passion’s heat.
But ours is of a gentler, human kind:
It lies outside celestial happenstance,
Quite preordained by Fate, who’s cruel and blind;
To her, we are of no great relevance.
My dear, although we are so far apart,
And all those hurdles reach up to the sky--
In this respect, do not despair; my heart
Beats with your own—to sooth it, by and by.

As we observe the passing of each hour,
Let’s place our hope in Love’s redeeming power.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
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Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hello, Jerry,
Beautiful sonnet and a very romantic theme. So much to love here in all your language, but especially the final line - full of integrity and grace.
Thank you!
L

this site did not allow me to set up the proper form of a Shakespearean sonnet which is that the final couplet should be indented by 5 spaces. Therefore the text now appears as one solid block, which I don't quite like. Thank you for your kind words. Jerry

author comment

Some love is as that of the moon and sun;
It’s true, although they rarely ever meet,
When they eclipse, they will become as one
And propagate the stars in passion’s heat.

But ours is of a gentler, human kind:
It lies outside celestial happenstance,
Quite preordained by Fate, who’s cruel and blind;
To her, we are of no great relevance.

But then, although we are so far apart,
And all those hurdles reach up to the sky--
In this respect, do not despair; my heart
Beats with your own—to sooth it, by and by.

As we observe the passing of each hour,
Let’s place our hope in Love’s redeeming power.

a 4/4/4/2 sonnet reads so smoothly. gives us a breathing spot. makes the poem more accessible to read and absorb.
Its a fine sonnet either way, but the way you have structured the work, as 4 sentences, it works well (better for me) as 4 stanzas too. ...

Only possible suggestion..."But" is taken too lightly by most poets, including myself. It is a stance changer, and seeks to drive the narrative in a new direction. If you remove the "buts" and deal with the meter another way, you'll see it does not change the poem, and even makes it more declarative. (I read somewhere a poem is allowed only one "but"... hmmm)

,,

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

thanks for commenting. Yes, that extra but stands out a bit and I made a change. As a traditionalist, I would be reluctant to remove the blank lines between the quatrains. Thank you for reading and commenting. Jerry

author comment
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