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The Song I Couldn't Write

Inside my head the tune does play
the melody so sweet
Like the rhythm of a summer rain
as it falls upon the trees
As I feel it flow throughout me
it gives me inner peace
But as I try to add the words
the pain brings me to my knees

It's not for lack of knowledge
nor are there too few thoughts
It's not for lack of love
battles won or battles fought
The words are all around me
drifting in and floating by
When I piece them all together
they come out a woeful cry

So this song will have no words
though the music will be sweet
Perhaps a solo saxophone
to convey a love so deep
If you listen very closely
and allow yourself to feel
You may be quite surprised
what the lack of words reveal

It's a song for all to cherish
both young and old alike
A song to bring all happiness
no matter what your life
A song of peace and harmony
a song of war no more
A song of puppies and rainbows
beautiful sunsets galore....

Coming soon, to an imaginary juke box near you.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Feel free to speak your mind. I do. Thanks. Sue
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Some songs can never be put into words. Yet we Can long for them to be. Last line second stanza try "they become a woeful cry" just a thought

Stan, greatly appreciated. Thanks for your
suggestion. It doesn't seem as if such a
small change would make a difference and
honestly, to my ear I don't see a difference.
Can you tell me why you feel that? I would
have thought my "near rhymes" would have
brought a few niggles.
Thanks again for your time Stan. I look
forward to your response.
Sue

author comment

They come out sounds like an actual creature coming out to me. While the other way it seems they are transformed. but it's Your poem so all I do is throw out alternatives, it's up to you whether they work for you or not

I appreciate your time, and suggestions, honest I do. I'm not up to speed with
how things happen here. I have forgotten how intense it can be.

Thanks guy. I'll give it another look when I get a minute. Busy time of the year
now with the garden.

Sue

author comment

intense? well compared to other sites maybe so

I forget, when I'm away, how intense it is!
I write as a hobby...I'm lucky I spell my name
right at the end, let alone get all the poetic
doodads correct . I'm more " hey, nice font."

So yah Stan, intense when people I respect
offer advice. :) Thanks guy.
Sue

author comment

one minor.very minor in fact suggestion take the "s" off reveal

other than that very nice rhyming pattern
good wording
and I could almost hear a melody

Our chat room is not only there for Thursday afternoon chat 3:30-4:30
but it is there and ready for all to use at anytime of day come often and hook up in conversation to those across the globe

This isn't a new poem and I remember I pondered that s at the time.
I even think someone else told me to drop it and for whatever reason
I didn't fix it. Let's hope I remember this time..

Glad you liked it other than that. I appreciate the read.
Thanks again,
Sue

author comment

this one. Don't know how it could have happened. Must be the lack of sleep; with all those damned fireworks the past week. Anyway, I really like this and yes, I wanted a longer poem and got what I asked for. I agree with Chrys, get rid of the ess on reveal. you did just fine with the near rhyme; it should be a tool in everyone's box. Not many people use it and some that do, aren't very good at it. I could hear that forlorn and moody sax in the background and it sent shivers down my spine. You have conveyed a very good story with your words that lend music to it. You surprise me often and rarely disappoint. ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

much appreciate your kind words. That sax is the best part of the song, ain't it? :)

No worries. Glad you got to read this one. Have a great evening.

Sue

author comment

It was a pleasant experience to read this free flowing poem and feel it..its rhythm and the effect.of peace and harmony the words created....

be well..

raj (sublime_ocean)

glad you like it. It's a bit too "We Are The World-ish" but,
it's the way it went when writing. You know how that goes.

Thanks again, my friend.
Sue

author comment
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