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Song of Desire...

She holds the mike up close
pearls loose around her neck
the dress she wears is clinging
His heart races on unchecked

The sound of her entrancing voice
plays loudly in his ears
And from the shallow shadows
He sees her lonely tears

Tonight, is the bloody moon
it must be red and stained
The season of his madness
can no longer be contained

There are two other pairs of eyes
that watch, and take it in
The man and dog with chilling orbs
contemplate their sin

The flesh of evil tastes so good
in proportion, it is sweet
Anubis stifles a sigh and growl
He wants to eat fresh meat

Frozen, makes a meal it seems
but, freshly caught and killed
Makes a better tasting meal
and sharpens up their skills

Anubis born to chase his prey
Jaws showing pearly whites
Shivers in anticipation
for the activities tonight

Killer sees the coming attraction
he's had the preview before
The monster waits in the alley
and watches the peeling door

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
2nd of four parts. 1] Rainy Night Forever 2]Siren Song 3]Song of Desire 4]????
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

The basic rhythmic structure is in good feet. Well composed! A master is always a master!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

most generous with your praise. Thank you, so very much, ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

line 7 try shallow shadows for alliteration. Looks like you let killer out again lol.

that works great! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

up above #2 Sire Song (Siren Song) in "Last few words"
I love this piece and think I see where you are going.
it is good to see Killer and Anubis out and about!

I really like these lines:

There are two other pairs of eyes
that watch, and take it in
The man and dog with chilling orbs
contemplate their sin

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thanks for catching that! Yes, Killer and Anubis are feeling the Springtime! Frozen meat is okay for the winter, [neither of them like hunting in the cold] but, it's time to get rid of the lazies, and some of that fat around the middle. Their next-door neighbor
who sings at the bar down the street, has told Killer about the creepy feelings that she has been having when she leaves work in the early morning. She says that her car has been gone through and some things have been missing from her clothesline.
So, they said that they would look into it for her, and not to act differently, just go about her business; they would be watching and wouldn't let anything happen to her. So, here we are. ~ Geez and the boys.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

fresh red meat is the juiciest and the best! I can hardly wait for more, LOL!!! eddy is really enjoying the read!!!

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

that you and eddy are hungrily awaiting the barbecue over the weekend! I may have to write a fifth edition of the saga, just to celebrate! Of course, not everyone will know the where or what about the meat; that's one of the little mysteries that Killer and Anubis keep for themselves and close friends like eddy. Big hugs, Geez and the boys.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

Nicely done! It's like could see these two put together.

Your musical images work well, and the introduction (or continuation) of the relationship is a nice touch.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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You are cordially invited to the barbecue celebrating Spring! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment
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