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Snowflakes For Brandy

Submitted by hobo on Tue, 2010-11-30 16:01

I love to take walks
While big heavy snow flakes
Dance in the sky
They are in no hurry
In a hurried world
Their beauty is in their silence

I like to lift my face towards heaven
As angels sprinkle the flakes
Upon my lashes
And the tip of my tongue

They make me dream dreams
They calm me
When I need to be calmed
They put peace in my soul

When I have reached that place
That no one can take away from me
I slip back to the warmth of a fire place
And drink hot chocolate

I am at peace with where I am
And where I am going

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This is a poem I wrote for a beautiful friend of mine who just had a bone marrow transplant last friday. I know she loves snowflakes, I hope you do to. This is my first post back and I am having a hard time figuring everything out. please be patient with me Thanks hobo
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Kailashana2

Tue, 2010-11-30 16:09

The poem is pristine. Your comment even more pure, as if that were possible. How could we have anything but love for you and she?

Welcome back, dear Hobo and your beautiful knapsack of words and feelings.

~

hobo

Tue, 2010-11-30 16:21

hobo's picture

Thank you so much my friend, you are the first person to leave me a comment now that I am back. and such kind words for my trip back thank you.

she is a beautiful talented artist with her camera. like most of my artist friends she is a thousand miles away but that doesn't mean that I can't love her. thank you again

You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down

author comment

hippiepoet69

Tue, 2010-11-30 16:39

But my old bones don't. I have some sweet memories of snow this poem broght back. Being pulled on my spare tire behind my 56 chevy PU. Holed up in my girlfriend house for threes days. Drinking pina caladas made from snow. My 64 El Camino burided in snow in front of the bar not three hundred feet away. Your poems are so uplifting. Take Care. huey

hobo

Tue, 2010-11-30 16:42

hobo's picture

thank you I am glad this poem brought back some good memories for you

You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down

author comment

Race_9togo

Tue, 2010-11-30 16:46

Race_9togo's picture
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Welcome back, this is an excellent first poem for the new Neopoet!
I love the winter, and one of my favorite things is the feel of snow on my face as it slowly falls.
You have captured the contentment of the world thick with winter so perfectly, well done.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

hobo

Tue, 2010-11-30 17:07

hobo's picture

my yaba daba friend It is so nice to be back and I have missed you so much. there is 2 inches of snow at my place right now and it is snowing again. oh how I hate the cold lol. I can't wait to see shirley either :)

You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down

author comment

magics02

Tue, 2010-11-30 17:33

So nice to read you once again and missed you. I love this poem of the snowflake and I also want to send my best of wishes to your friend and success throught her recent transplant. She will love this. You take your time here and figure it all out and I will be around here and there to catch your snowflake:)

Missed ya guy
Mona

hobo

Tue, 2010-11-30 17:38

hobo's picture

Mona my Mona do you remember the movie the wizard of oz? when dorthy came back and was lying in the bed telling everyone what had happened she looked at the guy who was the scarecrow and said and I missed you most of all. that is how I feel about you my friend, I have missed you most of all :) thank you for your kind words and it is so good to be back. i hope this site never does that to me again lol

You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down

author comment

magics02

Tue, 2010-11-30 17:40

And you know that is my most favorite all time best movie. It was just on the other night. Blessings sent your way and so nice to see you and feel your words transcending on these pages

Mona Mia
xoxoxo

Loreli

Tue, 2010-11-30 20:34

Loreli's picture

What a wonderful poem for your friend!

Your words always take me to where you are....

Lori

hobo

Tue, 2010-11-30 21:22

hobo's picture

Oh thanks that is so kind of you to say. that really is a nice comment

You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down

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scribbler

Tue, 2010-11-30 21:45

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The write is one of the most soothing I've read lately. Good to have you back................scribbler

hobo

Tue, 2010-11-30 22:37

hobo's picture

Thank you my friend, this was meant to sooth her and she loved it so hopefully it worked

You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down

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Geezer

Wed, 2010-12-01 11:16

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friend you are!
I see the love and comfort that you have tried to send
The snowflakes on the face, the one that you upend
Looking to the heavens, praying for her health
You are rich indeed, you have a heap of wealth
Nice work! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

hobo

Wed, 2010-12-01 12:43

hobo's picture

Thank you so much for the kind words. after reading your comment, I do feel rich indeed

You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down

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mand

Wed, 2010-12-01 11:44

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I will go outside when it snows and let the flakes fall on my eyelashes!! and let it melt on the tip of my tongue.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

Thank you for sharing.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

hobo

Wed, 2010-12-01 12:46

hobo's picture

well then I hope it snows soon real soon :) thank you for your kind words

You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down

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