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Snow Job

Even the bars are empty
on a windy Friday night;
no one has the strength
or cash
to even drink enough
to momentarily forget
their golden cages.

Freedom rings
they tell us,
in this land stolen
from the weak,
made richer by the weaker
and the force
of others used
to make them work,

but the only truely free
are those who
can afford to flee.

Try talking on a soap box
in a public park,
try walking by a river
through some private land;
try not paying the extortion
those who own demand
in sufferance for our lives
then, tell us you are free.

For in the end
the slavery they say
was banished from our world
was really just replaced
by something just as bad,
making servitude a duty
and freedom an illusion;

For the only truely free
are those who
can afford to flee.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is a good piece that you have written.Here is my view.

Freedom in the absence of responsibility
only leads to disaster
Duty is for the good of the family, the the society and the country
to make life better
I will be lying if I say I faced the the taxes with a smile
but if it can contribute to my country's economy
I can tolerate it for awhile
as long as it's not one payment too many
Our coming generation needs good education to survive
the process of learning in schools don't come cheap
not everyone can afford them in time
so I agree life is not all fair and beauty
but everyone I know in person will still choose life over death
so there is no choice but to accept it as it is
or to upgrade and adapt for a better living
someone told me that to live is to strive
but it is also to feel the good and the bad
it is the moments, the experience....
I know it is hard to be content with everything in life
but look at your loved ones
you know you won't want to change anything
you are the man lucky enough to have them
and about the taxes and the works, its just another trials of life
that everyone has to face....

this is what i tell myself too, you know......and yeah i know in the end they don't rhyme but its the message that is more important. lol. :D

Alid

for your inciteful comments.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Liked your blow out, but it was like peeing against the wind, you just get your own back.

Alid said in his first lines:-
Freedom in the absence of responsibility
only leads to disaster.
This should be sent to all those stupid greedy people that run these democracies without a thought to those that need a proper government.
The Commies or any democratic state parliament in this world at the moment, not to mention the Islamic doctoring have failed the world in their greed and insensitivity to the job they are paid so well to do. or any group that thinks they can rule all with any religious thoughts, that is where freedom comes in not the way to make a world a better place.
We are at a state in this world, where we should be able to devoid government from any religion and make this beautiful Planet a Pearl in the Universe, with freedom of choice to all what religion they follow, what is the matter with Mankind that it wants to beat the shit out of anyone that is different in the site of their own Gods.
That's it for this weeks sermon, Yours as always, Ian.T
PS:- I am going to walk in the forest to find a tree to hold as that is a quiet reality..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I agree, except that government is just as bad as religion, and needs to be eradicated.
Thanks for commenting.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

A very good piece of writing, I love this kind of poetry that addresses the current issue. I wrote one a while ago that I posted here called "Concrete Fences" read it when you get a chance.

Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

I'll read it when I have the time.
Glad you enjoyed this.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

I think it's dooming everywhere, each place differently. Slavery is just one of these faces.
I liked the repeated stanza which you have closed with.
Thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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You speak true, as usual, myn palestianian friend.
Glad you liked this one!
Thanks

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

You all whine and whinge about your corrupt government , whichever it is, then go and hide. Your foreign policy has made the world hate you. You are no longer a super-power. You just snivel like babies. Get over it. Don't you know that most of the developed countries have higher levels of freedom, education, health?

Your country won't change that, it is corrupt and violent, surviving on wars.

This poem won't change it. Revolution will.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

REVOLT, REVOLT, REVOLT... I AM READY BRING IT ON. WE HAD A REVOLUTION BEFORE AGAINST ENGLAND BECAUSE OF THE SAME THING AN ABSENTEE GOVERNMENT. THEY ENJOYING THE REWARDS. THEY ARE ALL TRADERS TO THE AMERICAN WAY.
What is interesting is that the world, over centuries haS also enjoyed economic stability on our back and now call us cry babies. trust me that you will also stand with the common American when it starts affecting your country and trust me it will. maybe your answer is to become a Red Chinese, because right now they hold the money. yet they do not call themselves Capitalist. What bull, you jump on that wagon until they invade you as the Japanese did and we had to save your English arse. LMFAO!!!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

"You all whine and whinge about your corrupt government "

Just like the rest of you. Sounds like whinging and whining to me.

"whichever it is, then go and hide"

Yeah, right. THAT'S the reason I live in the most powerful, prosperous nation in human history. We did it all by HIDING.

"Your foreign policy has made the world hate you"

They hated us long before. its called envy, jealousy, and wishing they could be like us. Nothing new.

"You are no longer a super-power"

By every single criteria that matters, we are. In fact, we are the only remaining superpower on the planet, in the traditional sense. Our Gross National Product is greater than the next seven nation's GNPs COMBINED.

"You just snivel like babies"

You would be the one to know.

"Don't you know that most of the developed countries have higher levels of freedom, education, health?"

Freedom....its what this poem is about. Finally, you BEGIN to have an inkling.

Education...nope, sorry, wrong, it's not the education system that's at fault, its the lack of freedom, and the perception of so-called civil rights..."I got me a RIGHT not to be educated!"

Health...patently untrue, no other nation of the planet has better healthcare, which, until recently, was only enjoyed by those who could afford it. This is no longer the case; we are now on the inevitable road to universal healthcare.

So sorry its taking so long, but that's the price you pay, when you limit the speed at which your own government works.

"Your country won't change that"

It already has.

"it is corrupt and violent"

Just like any other

"surviving on wars"

we tend to do that, find the silver lining in everything. It has made us rich beyond the dreams of avarice, more powerful than any other nation EVER.

"This poem won't change it"

Stating the obvious. its a POEM, for Gods' sakes.

"Revolution will"

No, it won't. revolution is for savages and mindless fools who cannot work within a given political system. Revolution is for those who wish to harm others and get away with it.

Ballot Box.

There's a new concept for you.

Next time, please comment on the merits of the poem, because I'm not interested in you personal opinions about my country.

Thank you SO much for visiting.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

A fine poem that says all that needs to be said. And poetry does change things.

It does lack a little in poetic qualities, reads more like a rant.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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