Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Snap, Crackle, and Pop

if it doesn't startle
or bristle
I don't need it

if it doesn't enliven
or blissen
I don't need it

if it doesn't arouse
or excite
I don't need it

if obtuse, or convoluted,
boring, or cliched
I won't like it
in the very same way as
not liking
soggy cereal

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

don't have the mental teeth to digest anything but pap. I see you have big molars. ~ Gee.
.

The addition of a premium-membership can:
Help you navigate the site easier, change and create the look of your profile-page!
Just see what you can do! Add a bit of flavor to your profile and kick it up a notch!

not much of a poem, but I did want to remind others( not you,or anyone reading this) that people have needs and expectations when putting in their time, whether watching a movie, tv show, or having a restaurant meal, or playing a computer game or reading a book or poem; it's got to deliver
it's got to sparkle or titillate, anything but BORE. Anyway , nice comment, thanks

Al

author comment

So this means you don't like my scribbling? lol. I know what you mean. But even something which only brings a feeling of content is worthwhile if done well.....BTW liked the poem/rant..........stan

I should have included:

if it doesn't bring
a sense of pastoral tranquility
stability, and contentment
(and without being obtuse, convoluted,
boring , or cliched,)
then I don't need it.

Stan, you are absolutely safe

your work is appreciated for its genuine nature, and craftsmanship,
and consistently a pleasure to read

Al

author comment

Do you like wet noodles?

:-)

Yum, spaetzle good

Al

author comment

The poem is short and to the point enough, and makes soggy cereal the object. That to me is enough, it has a lot of irony and an image we all understand.

I think the title is too cute on this one, and takes away from it. Also introduces commas in the last stanza as opposed to using spacing as in the other stanzas. I would prefer the consistency, one way or another (punctuate the whole poem, or none of it)

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

point well taken
I think the idea of all or nothing is probably preferable in most cases, but would never interpret that as an absolute
one appropriate and necessary comma for a definite purpose would not necessitate going back and placing commas in every conceivable place where they could be deemed appropriate.

this piece could have done without the arbitrary use of them. The arbitrariness is the basis of complaint, I assume
you are an astute commenter and always have reasoned and rational suggestions
very much appreciated by me

As for the title, the cuteness, I thought, might mitigate some of the "sting" (if so felt by anyone)

thanks Mark
keep me on my toes

Al

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.