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Small Talk

Talk to myself, not much to say.
Radio on, headphones too,
as morning wraps the walls
in candy stripes of light on light.

Weather forecast, where and when.
‘Background briefing’,
news about news,
stitched like a ‘fiver’ to my hat.

Two conversations layer cake.
Breath, a true measure,
says goodbye to that.
‘Tipping the lid’, developing mannerisms...

Specious?... More scandals;
make a gesture, feel the veins,
tense tendons,
like Mime at the anvil, start to work.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
please Anglecize the pronuncitation of Mime to one syllabul and sounding the same as the silent art, it provides a a second meaning and helps the rhythm.
Editing stage: 

Comments

'stiched like a fiver to my hat' a fiver is $5, in australia during the depression men would sew a fiver into the lining of their hats in case they were robbed.
'tipping the lid' means dying and therefore tipping the lid of the coffin but also slightly raising one's hat for men as a sign of greeting or farewell.

author comment

Maybe I am old fashioned but when I wear a hat I will always touch the peak or tip it as you say in respect of a lady.
It must have been adapted by some as you have explained.
As the Japanese and their bowing where the further you bow the lower state you are.
It goes way back in English traditions probably since we been wearing hats.
Taking off of the hat is also a gesture, it makes the wearer less tall in respect to who he is talking to.
Ladies don't tip hats,
Thanks for your local version of hat tipping it was interesting,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

have said, a great piece! My only crit. is that I would reverse the line: "Headphones on, radio too" and say it Radio on, headphones too. Just seems to make better sense, but then I might be missing something subtle in that sentence that you were trying to convey? I did convert, to Anglisize the word Mime, still didn't get the secondary meaning that you spoke of, do you mind enlightening me? ~ Geezer

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Geezer
can see the reversal would make more sense,
Mime is a character in a Wagner opera, as far as I know the name has nothing to do with mime the silent art, the double meaning is therefore the image of endless toil and of the pretence involved in artwork .

author comment

the enlightenment. Not being familiar with the play left me clueless, but glad to have my scope broadened. ~ Gee

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like Mime at the anvil, start to work. This is a great line, and a great poem. I can picture the scene and i have a character i mind. Again i say great work. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Liked this unusual piece it broadens the knowledge, very well written as someone said about the headset and radio I also think that they should be the other way round.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

have reversed the radio line as suggested.

author comment

and
you have finally excelled
'tis thy beauty
and
Lovedly makes an attempt to stamp...
mark ones presence
as I enjoyed the beauty
in your poetic reference
this comment may be
a meaningless
occurrence

loved

an interesting piece. A one I wish I would be able one day to write just to tell something about my everyday's norms i guess .

that's all and a big welcome again. Hope you would enjoy your stay.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

I was here before the crash, Judyanne and a few others are still here, but many other friends didn't return as the site was down for so long. Its much better now, the workshops and more opportunities to participate, are great improvements.
thanks for your welcome
Ross

author comment

nothing to crit or offer for improvement
i like the order of 'radio on, headphones too', as you have it

and love the descriptive
'as morning wraps the walls
in candy stripes of light on light.'

lol i really relate to
'talk to myself, not much to say'

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

am enjoying the forum

author comment

By arriving late everybody beat me to meaningfull comment thus leaving me to wonder why so many free verse poets divide their poems into part I and part II. Always seems distracting to me............stan

this isn't divided into I and II, are you referring to 'use of excellence' which is? If so, I divided that poem because the 2 parts are different in content, I very cerebra II more a mix of the environment and feelings etc. but I agree its not particularly necessary.

author comment

wisdom lies in humility

and
you have finally excelled
'tis thy beauty
and
Lovedly makes an attempt to stamp...
mark ones presence
as I enjoyed the beauty
in your poetic reference
this comment may be
a meaningless
occurrence

loved

Have just realized you can reply to comments by clicking 'reply' I have been simply writing a new comment. Have been away from this site for years so still getting used to the protocols. I do appreciate comments as its the only way one can know if anyone is reading one's work.
peace and blessings
ross

author comment

I gave a general thanks to everyone for their comments, I do appreciate you reading my work and commenting.

author comment
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