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Slavery

How dare you rape our lands? Enslaved to boundaries? We? Who were born but free.
our noon's ravaged? Assaulted our moons? We? Who were born but free.

Our minds enslaved to technology, materialism and wrecked earthly laws,
to computerized systems? Hijackers? We? Who were born but free.

Enslaved to the past, to the history, to wistful moments,
to skin colors, and to the chairs? We? Who were born but free.

To pretty women enslaved some men, or to cigarettes,
become slaves of drugs, and addicted to alcohol? We? Who were born but free.

And here I am, enslaved to poetry,
to hymns and rhymes, and to fine prosody, I, who was born but free.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

is what you must be. This is the sort of subject matter I would tackle in my teens (not this well of course) but it still resonates today. As to the title, in my opinion it is apt, especially to those repeats about freedom.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

highly appreciate your kind visit. A new form for me. Happy to know you've got the feeling.
"young at heart"? This left me with a feeling, I still can't tell though what kind of feeling is that, but a positive one indeed.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

A new day, a new form I guess. It's how I found my way away from the writer's block.
This is called "Ghazal". The link is below and you must know that there's nothing in trying anything you like by me or others. It is there in the net for everyone.
here is the link dear. I must give you a special thank note for your praise. I am humbled indeed.
https://www.poetrysoup.com/poetry/forms/g

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I like the commitment your expose to us in your poetry.
I've been thinking about slavery recently, started when I was reviewing Greek Philosophers and got stuck on the Politics by Aristotle. He spends half the book defending slavery. Blew my mind.
To enslave another human being is beyond a sacrilege. Selling people like bottles of rum. So the idea of Slavery is so disgusting to me that i can't allow myself to use that word in context to my obsession with poetry, or alcoholism, or just being a "slave" to a job or a possession. So for me its hard to enjoy your poem..
Which is well written. Don't understand the _ thing though.
Thanks for allowing me to be honest.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I totally agree with you about the use of the word "slavery". It is disgusting enough. I might not be successful enough in saying what Man is enslaved to these days, but what do you think when you see someone really "enslaved" to drinking, or to smoking or even to profanity. Slavery, I think, is levels. But I can't tell which is worse, to be enslaved to another man or to a glass or a bottle of wine or even a cigarette. I saw the lives of many, many families collapsing because of drugs and addicting alcohol. What could be worse than loosing a life?
I think many didn't like what I've said where drinking "at least" becomes a daily "ritual" ( though prohibited by all the doctrines that I know) for some and hence come the very few comments, but you were brave enough to step and say what you've said. So I highly appreciate your comment.
As for being enslaved to poetry? I would call this "Sweet Slavery". What do you think?

Ps. I have to admit that I have struggled a bit with the punctuation. I'll do some edits. I think a comma can do the job well instead of the dashes.

Again thanks for your thoughts and for the honesty. It's what I always seek

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Although I don't think it should be common practice to respond to another Poet's work with a work of your own, in this case please allow me to offer one. I have a collection I recently wrote called "7 deadly sins of modern times",(degradation of women, disrespect of nature etc) and here's my take on slavery:

II: SLAVERY

(60 years after Article 4 of the U.N.'s Universal Declaration of Human Rights banned slavery and the slave trade worldwide, there are more slaves than at any time in human history -- 27 million.

“There were other immigrants who came here in the bottom of slave ships, worked even longer, even harder for less” Ben Carson )

Mr. Aristotle spent many a scroll
To find purpose and natural order
To enslave another human being
As human beast, a mere baboon,
Denying them a grain of hope.
Rape the females and sodomize the boys
And trade them like children’s toys!
Your treatise is most eloquent
But the bust of this bearded sage
Is forever tarnished with my rage.

Mr. Jefferson turned the other way,
A compassionate owner of hundreds;
As we are urged to do the same
To the hero of freedom whose words
Are studied and revered each day.
And we forgive to one trapped in time
Who spoke out meekly of this crime.
But let it be a scar in our memory;
He traded them like cases of rum
For others to whip and spill their scum.

Let there be convulsion! Let there be fury!
To all who dare to pass so calmly
Since the dawn of time the judge and jury
Are blind to atrocity but true to the bibles;
To those who preach of love’s design
By gods who are deaf to slavery’s cries,
Do not invite me to their services-
I cannot look them in the eye!

I suppose I got a little carried away with it, but it felt good to write. I do of course understand there are levels of slavery, and poetic interpretations. However, like the word "holocaust" , the term "slavery" conjures up a specific event which is hard to crack. Poetry, and perhaps all art to those who take artistic vows, is a cruel and benevolent master. It keeps us like a dog on a leash. But every now then we are set loose in the field, and what great delight it is to run free!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

sharing your work which I don't mind at all. A fine work indeed on the "Slavery" theme. I just thought maybe the meter needs to go a bit smoother maybe? Other than that, I think it's always good to get the steam out of the chest whatever that costs sometimes.

As for Poetry and other arts, I think Obsession is a better word to describe our passion. I don't know if I can think of any better ending.
Again I appreciate the visit and your the thoughts.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I like Pall Malls and women...
coffee and drugs and alcohol and
rock music
sex could be an addiction too
I am totally enslaved
so when do I feel free/
putting my fist through the drywall
in frustration did not help
waking up in the drunk tank
did not help
going home..or bringing home
the lost souls of the night
did not help
well..for a moment or two
letting go knowing im not king of
the hill helps
random people who are like the
fallen angels with random meaning
in short lyrical convo's
that helps
writing here
writing poetry helps
putting on the show time
face and fixing the hair
like men of an age
the vanity ordeal
helps

this is an awesome poem
because its true
..
thank U Rula

mr fuss budget old wolf!

seems like we're having some confessions here. :) Happy to know you found some truth here. It's what the poetess sought.
Thank you!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

that the word slavery is a hard word to connect with any other connotation. However, I have not another word that describes what you have written about. Yes, we [most of us] are slaves to something. We are an addictive animal. Some of our addictions are good things, like; love, occupations and other noble things. Some do destroy us; tobacco, alcohol, drugs and other things that tear apart families, and kill us. There is no easy answer to the enslavement of the human race
to the bad things, except to try and breed it out of us. I don't think that we will ever be able to breed out the urge to live on the edge and explore new things, like your foray into unknown areas of poetry. If we do, we will surely doom ourselves to extinction, both as poets and humans. Great work! ~ Gee

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for the visit and the thoughtful comment.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Lol - freedom is relative ...
and a new form for me to investigate

Great word usage ... I thoroughly enjoyed how it tripped so easily over my tongue...
Thank you
Love judy
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Highly appreciate your passing by. And yes, you're right to say freedom and slavery are both relative, so to speak.
Thank you dear.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

No master is crueler than one to which we voluntarily submit. Reminds me of a quote "those who give up freedom for security will find themselves with neither"...........stan

Can't agree more.
Thanks for the visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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