Dear Ann, thank you for your confidence & praise... There are times that terror reigns inside for fear of my offspring's wellbeing... or just that awful unceasing ache of unknowing, of doubt, could I, should I do 'whatever', differently etc. Motherhood is as much about controlling our own need to intercede as it is about active interaction, I find the former the most difficult, but have seen in so many kids, the damage that can do. & as for my other kidlets, I fret as much for them in different ways & will never really be able to settle into a comfortable place of mothering I suspect, there is so much grief & anguish attached to any aspect of mother for them, & so much desire to be good for them without imposing my own version of mothering... but having said that, there is much joy also & I know that much of my mothering has been richly valuable & even appreciated (yes you may gasp) by these young otters.

As for you, you have nurtured & contributed to so many young beings that it is well balanced in the end, regardless of your own sense of "motherhood", I am certain your contributions to the kids that you have worked with & any that come into your influence could only benefit from your enthusiasm for life & unique perspectives & creative abundance.

For me dear Ann, you will always be an ageless cheeky nymph of nature & art who abundantly gathers goodness, mirth & inquisitive inspiration into a cornucopia that you rain the contents down from as you do your unselfconscious dance through the days & places of open hearts & minds. I suspect there is a secret fairy garden in any place you live where your kindred quietly keep an eye on their unknowing queen... you! The mother of pearly beauteous wonderment & generous with all.

xxx
Anni

Thanks for your confidence in my mothering Cat, you are right when you include the benefits of even the difficulties in our own childhood being an addition, but I worry that I worry too much (yes, have a chuckle at that!!!, I do!).... It is the hardest thing to stand back & let your child be in a situation you can see is going to hurt them (he is "in love" with a girl who is becoming quite careless with him & is no longer sure she wants to be with him, it's a normal part of life, yet I see how painful it is when she is unfaithful or dishonest... urghhh. I love that he is faithful & caring, but wish he would find a partner who reciprocates... blah, blah).

Yes, I did actually go through & slice some of the lines up previously, but I suspect it still needs more... I guess this is more of a prose write than poetry, because I wanted to keep the lines as part of a sentence rather than capitalise the line I separated, the Poetry/prose workshop is already generating so much thought & it has not even begun!

Thanks as always, for your consideration, always valuable & appreciated.

Cheers
Anni

Wes, it isn't nothing, I completely understand... in all truth, having a pretty dreadful early life, I was not going to have kids. So when I got pregnant (married a few years myself, but not terribly happily), it was an absolute conundrum for a time for me (my husband not wanting to commit one way or another was the biggest deterrent at the time), & after deciding to go through with it (in the end the choice was - I would have the baby if I (not we) could be sure that he would be completely loved & at least have a good chance at being happy & contributing something good to this world... he is & he does, so it worked out well), I would walk around in awe as to how so many people could possibly have made this incredibly potent choice... realising, of course, the majority do NOT make that choice, they just do it because it's what you do, or they want to be loved or various other more or less creditable impulses.

I put so much heart & soul into my decision, I completely relate to your reaction to those people that seemed to take for granted the act of bringing another human being into the world... Now I shall away having been inspired with a topic to write my prose workshop piece on!!!

In a way, it makes the stakes higher though Wes, my son was nurtured with seriously conscious good intent, somehow, I think he would always be more precious to me than if it was just a matter of course thing.

Anyway, probably opened a can of worms here in regard to unplanned pregnancies, parental intent, unspoken inference to possibility of abortion etc etc. I have worked with too many damaged children & adults to bring a child into the world that has not been wholesomely loved & cared for, & as a single mother for many years, I realise now, it was never an issue of the answer I was most concerned with (that both mother & father be committed), we all just need at least ONE person in our lives from birth that really cares for us unconditionally. If a child doesn't have that, they often struggle with the will to live I think, or end up damaging others, would anyone really want to go through with a pregnancy that would lead to such suffering?

Anyway, ta for reading & your very valid issue here!
Cloud

Thanks Anna, I watched this in the middle of the night (wee small hours), it was spot on, & I don't think we can ever go wrong with a bit of reminder & sense that we are living in a community of people who also wish for these ideal perspectives for our kids...

Sadly, I had made the mistake, when I was driving my son to the station, of letting my anxieties rear their ugly head too... I KNOW it was not the "right" thing to do, I was tired & menstrually challenged & wanted to cry. I didn't, but I didn't just listen & be patient as much as I know he needed, I begged him to talk to me (useless) & listed my concerns (most ineffective & burdensome for him!), & I'd been so patient all week! So my penance is to watch that clip twice a day to remind me... sigh! The only thing worse than going through that crappy stuff, is watching your child do it!!!

Greatly appreciated just at this point Anna, thanks

Anni

So glad you survived woman! I have no doubt you were hugely appreciated & loved... Now we feel the same about you here!

Anni xx

Thanks Anna, I will point him in that direction, he is heading way out deep into the REAL world at such a young age, most of his peers are still playing computer games & more immediate things (which is fine for them), he's always been out there with his worldliness, I am so proud of him... He is great with me usually, it's a shock that he wont talk to me about his heartache, I feel slapped... but bad luck for me... it's his thing, at least he has some good friends he talks to, & he is aware that they just listen because they haven't yet experienced what he has yet... It'll be ok, I know.
But thanks Anna, it is comforting to hear things like that

Anni xx