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Siren Song...

Submitted by Geezer on Wed, 2022-04-20 11:29

Music drifting from the doorway
she sings it soft and low
inhales another hit of smoke
releases it real slow

She sings it like a siren
calling for a lover
to the darkness and the shadows
where an evil presence hovers

Watching, ever silent
seeing every breath
her bosom heaving gently
and Evil plots her death

She flicks the cigarette
with a motion of her wrist
sending crimson sparks a flying
into the shadows' midst

He hangs back and melts
into the darkness' arms
He keeps his eyes upon her
surveying all her charms

He's waited all forever
for her to come along
A beauty like this woman
one who sings his song

It's a song of truth and pain
she knows all the words
Her voice is like no other
like none he's ever heard

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
More on this one!
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Wed, 2022-04-20 11:36

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in this line: "A beauty like this one" drop the one because you have it in the next line use(A beauty like this) I've read some really great poems this morning, your's is one of them.

*hugs, Cat
ever eddy

eddy is jealous

*
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Geezer

Wed, 2022-04-20 17:48

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For your read and critique. I wanted to keep a rhythm going in that line, so I changed the word, instead of just deleting the [one]. Thanks to you; you and others here keep me on my toes! eddy need not be jealous, he's an author in his own right. We are not. [Yet]. Hugs from the boys, ~ Geez.
.

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Candlewitch

Thu, 2022-04-21 10:19

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thank you for the compliment...I hope to earn it. you have a fantastic poem here! I wish I'd written it!!!

ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Ray Whitaker

Fri, 2022-04-22 18:10

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you should be proud of this! Another example of your great writing.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Geezer

Wed, 2022-04-20 19:53

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I am kind of proud of this and Rainy Nights Forever, these are a new thing for me, as the result of listening to instrumental
[piano and guitar] blues. I am trying to take Killer down the same road and bring him back to his old stomping grounds of
New Orleans. Thanks for the praise and label of great writing. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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lovedly

Wed, 2022-04-20 20:51

lovedly's picture

When did you post it you have been on a sabbatical I C no one reads NOW CATS COMPY IS sick

Geezer

Thu, 2022-04-21 08:38

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what you mean by Cat's compy is sick? Oh wait, you mean her computer is sick! Yeah, it's fixed now. No, I haven't been on sabbatical, just learning new ways. I have been taking a new direction by listening to instrumental blues, such as you might hear in the deep South, while composing and taking my time to post. I run them through my head, until I feel they are right. Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
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