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SILENCED

You ripped the words,
Inchoate and ill-formed -
right out of my mouth.
The gavel of dominance
hammering home
superiority,
with no room for doubt.

You twisted my limp, impervious
arm, with your
"this is how we do it",
Insidious charm.
Leaving me doubting
Your supposed caring,
Would do me no harm.

You upstaged the whole
sun-filled, spectacular show -
A pall of gloom following, wherever you go.
But who am I to comment on such things?
I merely observe as I crouch,
silent, afraid and alone,
in the wings...

Non sequitur

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
just an experimental free-form write. Take a few cliches and build a story/theme around them. This one on "relationship abuse" interests me most, as I have both experiential and academic knowledge. Thanks
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like this a bunch, I find there is a certain duality to this stage freight. it's like both sides of the same coin.
arrogant and fear, working together as if pushing yourself to go on to the stage. facing your own fear.
Well at lease that was my perception.
In any case bravo!
if this is your first here, it's a good start welcome to the workshop!

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Hello Eduardo!
Thanks so much for your read and commentary... In reviewing the post again, I see that I incorrectly entered "relation interest" vs. "Abusive Relations"... which might put a whole different slant on things! (DON'T ASK how I messed that up! Working on a small screen phone might have something to do with it! ) Would love you to have a quick second look and see what you think now! - howzat for cheek from a first timer... ;)
Beau: Thanks for your interest. The clichés were as follows:
YOU TOOK THE WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH
YOU TWISTED MY ARM
YOU STOLE THE SHOW...
Hope that makes sense!
Best regards
NS

author comment

In an abusive relationship I see it happens because of one person the person who is being abused. simply because they're the one who can stop it. This is why the both sides of the coin. The abused person to me has two personalities, (duality) The one that hates the abuser and the one that finds excuses because of a suppose love, stay in the abusive relation. To me it is kind of stage freight, because they hide it from the world. it is kind of an esteem problem which causes the depression. I know this because my mother was abused by my Dad, it cause her to have many issue. She finally did something about it, she got out when I was 15yrs of age, this was the best thing she could have done.
The write is very good, clarity is everything I am sorry for the mix-up on my part with how I presented it to you in my comment. Your write was very clear as to it's intent.
thanks for sharing,
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

4 tabs,
View(active tab)
Edit
Revisions
Unpublish

If you click on Edit you can edit your poem and we can click on revisions and see the improvements you have made.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I love the language you use ( had to look a couple of words up - which is good for me ). Your poem is powerful in its description of a one sided relationship - the one in control having little thought or empathy for the other. I particularly like the last stanza -- which to me contrasts what the relationship was, when first started, and what it develops into. The title sums the story up.

Very well done!

Love Mand xxxxx.

Thank you! I'm so glad you totally get it! I'm a psych. grad and one of the books I've just read is entitled: SILENCING THE SELF.Women and Depression.
This is one gal who's looking to regain her voice!! ;)
Thanks so much. I can see my stay here is going to be a long and fruitful one!
NS

author comment

if I may: "muchas gracias" for coming back a second time! I am very intimately aware of these problems and the enormous subtleties around which abuse is delivered. I do think it is predominantly a feminine issue, although I am by no means a feminist. More of an academic, with an acute interest in the various outlets for psychopathology.
Thank you so much for your interest and personal commentary. No habla Espanol pero es la lingua mi corazon!
NS

author comment

No habla (hablo) Espanol pero es la lingua (de mi or del Corazon) mi corazon!
you're very welcome!

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

gracias!

author comment

young one ,
out of this blooming heaven ,
we may call haven ,
to have picked my poetry
a non entity ....
yet I continue to post with glee.....
do continue to read and comment on my being
extremely solitary ...
freely

loved

A good pickle write, I shall say,
words to look up,
feelings to sort
and situations to picture.
Sometimes I feel that the use of complex words that we need to look up sometimes work and other times just loses the plot.
I am a lazy reader so I most times just read as is.
This wasn't too bad, and quickly understood,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

loved! I am glad I got your attention! Perhaps you could return to comment on my poetry too ... Some times... ;)
Ian! Liked your description of a "pickle write". I choose to write around situations more than locations and I think the word choice is not necessarily intended as "meant to be difficult" - just 'what it is'... ;)
Thanks for your reading and support!
Regards
NS

author comment

We are here at all times to support and answer questions if we can.
Have a look at the workshops they are a great way to learn, and there is always someone that will assist you at poetry.
Oh! and thank you for your reply to us here it is very good.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

hope you do

loved

A much better poem in my opinion

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Glad to see you have your finger on so many buttons! ;)
Thanks too for the direction as to how to view revisions.
NS

author comment
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