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Sijo Like music to my ear

The sound of rushing water is like music to my ear
the surging water falls from hilltops into the raging sea;
a river flows in the imagination of my mind's eye.

Editing stage: 

Comments

I always like a change of writing:-
The Sijo
1, development in line
2, and twist and conclusion in line
3. The first half of the final line employs a “twist”: a surprise of meaning, sound, or other device. Sijo is often more lyrical and personal than other East Asian poetic forms, and the final line can take a profound turn. Yet, “The conclusion of Sijo is seldom epigrammatic or witty. A witty close to a sentence would have been foreign to the genius of stylized Korean diction in the great Sijo periods. Not sure of the correct format but it is suggested that we use:-

Sijo, for a total of 44-46: theme (3, 4,4,4); elaboration (3,4,4,4); counter-theme (3,5) and completion (4,3)
Which is 45 Syllables but it is hard may be I can edit my try to conform but I like this rough try:-

The air rushed past my face, gaining speed I was falling down.
I looked down and there the earth rushed toward my frail body.
I felt the snap of cords, shriek of silk billowed over me.
I floated to earth.

Take care young lady and it is good to be walking with you on new pathways, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Sijo is a new form of poetry I working with. I haven't mastered it as of yet.
but I do have the structure down.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

I have read through the rules and the layout for a Sijo, but will have to read some more it is hard.
Thanks will see what happens later,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

okay

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment
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