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In Sight...

The doors open and I walk through
Alice in Wonderland and Christmas Village
Warmly dressed people come into view
Furs and boots, vikings out to pillage

Intent on their mission, present religion

They give themselves away, secret identities
Convinced they are hiding in plain sight
Cargo jackets and pants to their knees
I know who they are and that's not right

Good boys and girls, Mother's pearls

Rebels in their mind, look at me!
I'm someone you want to know
Fighting the system, to be free
Down my own path, I must go

Lost in the trees, with pants to my knees

Same old, same old, we're all the same
Not me, we say, I'm not like you
I'm wild and free, not so tame
I don't even like the things you do

Reflections and objections

Window shopping in the mirror
Do you see what I see?
All I see, is deep, dark fear
That really can't be me

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This was inspired by Esker. A great poet and good friend. The title change was inspired by another friend: Stan the Man. Thanks Stan.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I'm not sure I've ever suggested somebody change a title but I'm suggesting it now. The title you have used doesn't do the poem justice..............stan

but I will think on it. Do you have a better one? ~ Gee

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author comment

This poem was inspired by a comment from my poet friend, Esker and the title change by another friend and fellow poet Scribbler Stan; who said that it needed something better. Hope you like it Stan.~ Gee

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

author comment

Love this one hon !! Nothing else I can say you've already done all the work

Awesome work, god you've come a long way !!

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

written after going to the mall at Christmas time! I saw all these people that I know. Some of them youngsters acting in a manner that their parents would never tolerate! I know that if their parents were to see how they were acting, they would be chastised. Pushing through the crowds, cursing out the elderly that got in their way, spitting into the fountain and throwing food at each other in the food-court! But... there are some that the parents would make excuses for. That's why they do what they do, no matter what, they're just klids! Bah, Humbug! ~ Thanks much, Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

author comment

Hi Geez, I've been reading your poem and if you don't mind, I'd rather critique some other poem, maybe a newcomer's. For yours, I'd only have words of admiration, I have no nits at all. Others have already said everything that I would say.
Perhaps you've not noticed, but I always make at least one comment on a newcomer's poem along with some old friend's. I notice that a lot of newbies get few comments. So, if you don't mind, could you choose a poem that one can feel helpful critiquing it?
No offence meant, just admiration, all the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

How about, "There" by Bookdragon 6? A newcomer with some potential. ~ Geez.
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Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

author comment

OK, I believe I already commented on his poem. I'll take another look. Tx a lot.

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

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