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Sigh

Just when I think
I got it right
I’m reminded that
I’m still all wrong

Seemingly good deeds
Not so much in his eyes
He wishes I would
Simply settle down

Just when I thought
It was OK to be me
I’m reminded that
Being me

Is what got me here
In the first place

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

between self and soul? The logic of the poem leads me to believe it is you and "yourselves" , reminding you "got it" wrong and being "yourself" got you the here and now. I like the second stanza which in so few words defines a relationship.
I like the poem, but would love you to identify these forces within you, this alter ego, this "other" you seem to be sharing in life. How can you be both right and wrong?
For Delmore Schwartz it was the huge bear he carried on his back...

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

The second stanza refers to a male partner. His actions remind me that I'm still doing things wrong. That being myself was once OK but now seems to be an issue. I used to use a lot of words in my poems and now have tried to scale it back to simpler forms. Things that are easy to critique and edit.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

but it's usually the partner that is the problem, no you. If they make you feel inferior, it's not your shortcomings; it's them either projecting on you or trying to belittle you into submission. So if this poem is autobiographical, I'm so sorry you're experiencing this horrible behavior.

I grew up around a lot of abuse. My mother and all her sisters were abused by their father their entire lives. Literally weeks prior to him being hospitalized before his death when he was in his seventies and my mother and all her sisters were all over fifty he was still trying to hurt them. You know what he said to them to keep them complacent? He started by blaming them when they were children. Telling them they were whores for seducing him and telling them how bad and horrible and worthless they were, what failures and ugly girls they were. When they got older and that stopped working, he switched to threatening to kill himself or their mother, telling them they would destroy their entire family if they spoke up. All in secret from the others, mind you. They never knew the others were experiencing the same thing.

Good partners don't talk like that to the person they love. Fathers and husbands who rape and beat the living shit out of their entire families do, though.

Powerful poem. The brevity works here: curt words for a cutting topic,
Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

in this poem it is a matter of believing in your self because when that purpose is known, then nobody will belittle you, or try to make you feel inferior of yourself.

This is autobiographical in many ways. One bad situation ended and while the next isn't bad, there are things that I feel I have fallen short again. A never ending cycle but nothing physically abusive this time.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

but I am saying that verbal and emotional abuse often lead to other forms of abuse. Even when they don't, they are just as permanent and just as damaging as physical. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other mental illnesses are no joke and are just as real and just as dangerous as physical damage. I hope that whoever this person is can be communicated with. They need to understand that what they are doing makes you feel this way and it's not acceptable.

You shouldn't have to feel this way. You don't deserve it.
Kels

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

And you are correct. I am left with a lot of scars and still open wounds from a previous situation so I suppose some of these feelings are me as well and the residual stuff leftover. I find it easier to repress my feelings than discuss them because there is always a lingering fear of being berated or screamed at. Thank you for your insight and kind words.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

It's so hard to let it out, but catharsis is so worth it.

Here for you,
Kels

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

Thank you

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

It can be hard to believe in yourself in the midst of self doubts. Still it's only self belief that can sequel the awakening of the giants in you. A lovely poem you have here, just straight from the heart. Thanks for sharing, lonlyhrtsclub13.

Thank you for your kind words. I am finding it to be much easier these days to keep it simple. Glad you enjoyed.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment
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