Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

sieve

heavy night air sags
motionless
waiting for rain
as misty blue jazz
seeps
through a lingering haze

a sullen sigh
a twinge of heartache
and for the moment
sadness seems cool

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I was listening to Miles Davis' album "Kind Of Blue" as I wrote this piece late last night...It does this to me every time I hear it.
Editing stage: 

Comments

that moves them. There certainly are a lot of choices and styles. I think it was Friedrich Nietzsche who said "life without music would not be worth living" ( although he said it in German, I'm sure).

as for heatache\ heartache, I meant to type heartbreak, and I think I'll stick with it...sorry!

thanks for your input

Al

author comment

A very good picture of where you are, the heavy night air sags..
Yes! this is how it seems as night wraps its clammy arms around the city dwellers, as I notice that you are in New York.
Cities always have an atmosphere of their own, I love the villages and countryside Stan's empire of walks..
Take care, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

thanks for stopping in.

I have lived in New York City, but not for a long time now.
I live in Upstate New York ( Lake Champlain valley), quite a distance from the Big Apple but New York is still "my city"

you take care as well

regards

Al

author comment

In colour, you caught the mood and swatched it onto our minds much as jazz can, at its best.

Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

thank you Ann

you have a unique ability... conveying your thoughts so expressivly!
I admire that immensely.

thank you

Al

author comment

but kind of tritely sad.
I would not consider it for the workshop
" Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge"

a nice sad poem

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

a mood while listening to a piece of music might be named sad, although we would all presumably see it as a small, almost insignificant kind of sadness, hopefully, not extending too far beyond the length of the performance, much like this poem...definitly not deep or depressive...so a "nice" sad poem seems appropriate

thanks for your thoughts

Al

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.