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Shut up

Shut up Shut up Shut up
Your noisier than our neighbor's pup
My brain feels like a raging storm
you talk so much my ears are worn

If you won't stop making that awful racket
I'll take your head and might just crack it
you're annoying and your oh so loud
Your constant jabbering won't make me proud

you act just like a little child
no wonder our kids are acting wild
just shut your trap or i'll do it for you
I'll punch your lights and your stomach too

your pie hole is 10 miles wide
and aliens know when its high tide
once its open it just won't shut
I don't know why I don't kick your butt

but then I think I'm a loud mouth too
and remember that's why I married you

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
my brother was being loud so i wrote a poem about it. it has nothing to do with him though.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hello, Viviana,
Can't help but feel a little Dr. Seuss meets pandemic quarantine, here. Delightfully crazy! I like your rhythm and rhyme and the overall sense of humor.
Thank you!
Lavender

thanks lavender(i hope that's your real name its cool!) That's the effect i was going for. I wanted it to be a little stupidly funny poem. I bet most husband and wives feel this way. This was inspired by my 15 year old brother drumming pots and pans in the kitchen and throwing a football at my head. You can see my anger but there is also humor.

Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)

author comment

thanks lavender(i hope that's your real name its cool!) That's the effect i was going for. I wanted it to be a little stupidly funny poem. I bet most husband and wives feel this way. This was inspired by my 15 year old brother drumming pots and pans in the kitchen and throwing a football at my head. You can see my anger but there is also humor.

Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)

author comment
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