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Should Have Gone To Speck Savers!

Brut! Go to her, say you’re sorry!
APOLOGISE!
She cries!!
Use those big brown eyes!

Do you see her my mastiff friend?
She’s over there!
Eh! Where?
No! don’t look, don’t stare!

Let's act as if we don’t see her
Come on! Let’s go!
No, no!
Slowly amigo!

Act casually, watch me, like this!
Do this! Be quick.
That’s slick!
This is the “limp trick”.

She’s coming! Now give her “THE LOOK”!
Ops! It’s a cow!
What! how?
Got it wrong somehow!

We should have gone to spec savers
Look! There’s your wife!
My “WIFE”?
Ah! Run for your life!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is a really stupid poem about two dogs ( a chihuahua - done with a Mexicon accent and Brut a big mastiff ). It's not a serious write - just a bit of fun. He he Spec savers is a where you buy glasses. I hope it makes sense. It's supposed to go with a picture.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I was going to correct your spelling (it's what I do) on Brut until you told me it was a name. Normally it would need an "e".
Less act as if we don’t see her... otherwise I think you need "let's".
This is terribly cute and it's nice to see someone around here writing a little whimsy.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Soo good to see you! I hope all is well with you. ;) Glad you understood it. Ha ha My husband didn't.

Gives me hope that others will understand it. It's hard to visualize without a picture! But I'm glad you managed it.

Thanks for reading and commenting. ( I've made the corrections - thanks for your help ).

Take care

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

Someone once said that when a poem is being read it is not the poet being judged... but the reader.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

That's a refreshing way of looking at it!

I will have to remember that when reading other peoples poems. He he :)

author comment

Couldn't read this one, my optician made my glasses wrong, bye, i just managed to recognise your picture, Yours Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I "see" you got the drift. Ha ha

Just a bit of fun - we need a laugh sometimes don't we. .

Thanks Ian - Take care!!

author comment

Have a look at Ephraims Blog about his Magazine??
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Will do!

Thanx Ian!

author comment

Such a light hearted piece I loved the fun of it and sometimes, like tonight ? a little bit of fun is just what I need, its been a rough day thanks for bringing a smile to my dial. Btw we have Spec Savers here in Australia :) OH and in your footnote I had to laugh Spec Savers for classes or glasses ? hehe

much love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Hi JC Glad it made you smile ( It was worth posting it for that alone ) :)

I like their adverts ( the one where he shears the sheep dog ) .. Ha ha

Ha ha - I'll make the correction! Trust me!

Keep safe - Thanks for coming by to read and comment - ( I'll have to call you an Aussie warrior from now on ). Te he

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

I was definitely in need of something light hearted and this really did the trick, I haven't seen the advert where he shears the sheep or maybe I missed it ? I will look and see if I can find the ad online I am always up for a laugh :) he he

I noticed the typo and I laughed out loud, its something I would do LOL

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

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