Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A short walk

The emptiness
of my loss
is reducing me
to nothing,
I am sliding
into the arms
of the chasm,
my days
grow shadows,
as the mind
ever weakens
the light of sight
is slowly
being devoured.

Coldness
has gripped
at the center of me,
the fire fails
to warm
the sun refuses
to shine,
flames that once
lit my soul
are now gathered
in the corners
consumed to ash

my moments of clarity
are fading...

into the distance,
rambling seconds
of insanity creep
into cracks and chips
forming in my eyes,
delusions trick
me onto the mile

A gaping hole
widens in my chest
my ribs now rattle
with the wind,
fingers no longer
find purchase
passing through
this world
into the next

And so,
the long road
to lunacy
is no longer quite
so far, it is just
round the corner
waiting for me

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

this is quite sad but it suites my mood at the moment. I really loved every single imagery you've painted and enjoyed the consonance/assonance internal rhymes.
I would throw some commas here and there, but it might be only me.
Thanks for sharing dear

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I am still working on this so I will take a look and see if it needs anymore commas in the edits, I am so glad you liked it, it is what it is at the moment I am writing what I feel.

thanks for taking the time and dropping by to read I really appreciate it

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Hope this isn't autobiographical.

Pain and grief, icy fatalism and desparation.
Ouch
Don't change anything. I like the short, sharp lines, they bring an immediacy to this that I really enjoy.

Most excellent.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

This is where I am living at the moment I am trying to make sure I don't take up permanent residency its been a really hard beginning to 2014 for me it can only get better from here on in(I hope).

I am happy with the short lines and I am really glad that you like them it seems to be the way I am writing its just how its coming out

most excellent ? big smile thank you for that and thanks for taking the time to read

love always JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

The emotion you convey is outstanding - you have a natural skill and ability that seems to flow through your veins! Your writing is soo expressive - this one is full of pain and agony - as Jim says I hope it's not autobiographical!

I really can't pick a best stanza - and I see nothing to critique.

Love Mand xxxxxx

This is my existence at the moment I hope with time things will improve and maybe my writes will find a little bit of light, I don't know about natural skill or ability I was a woeful writer when I started here I have transformed in the years I have been here I sometimes look at what I am writing and wonder where its all coming from lol

I am very very happy you liked it hun

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Fact or fiction, it matters, but the fact that you hold within yourself a beauty that is yours, as part of the universe we live in just hold it.
I will not say much about the fiction, as this write if fiction is brill, with it's sadness.
There tomorrow awaits that we may live again
To try many new things, and meet new people
If yesterday's meetings came to nought
Then today and tomorrow can only be better
Let me live in the peace of now by clearing my mind
Thinking that I am better than the thoughts I have had
These thoughts brought on by self doubt
At the closing of each day let me look in the mirror
And say I Love you.
Take care little lady, yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I am buoyed by your compassion and friendship its a line of string that I try to follow back from the dark I have been inhabiting, I am on a roller-coaster at the moment I have my good days but for the last week there haven't been many of those I just need to concentrate on the small things that are going ok for me

I will try to love what I see but at the moment its hard to see anything very clearly

thanks for your words I cherish them

much love always JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.