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SHORT SCOUT (new form shop)

Random patterns dot the duff
with sun and shade this autumn morn.
This new area is steep and rough.
Stay or leave? My thoughts are torn.

Huge water oaks bid me proceed,
these monarchs of such middling seed,
whose leaves and mast cover the ground,
ball bearing acorns, slick leaves all around.

And this hill is not that steep,
my staff is wielded in firm grip.
last thoughts right before I slip.

Both feet fly into the air
as I fall sideways on my staff,
hearing it and something snap.
In younger years I'd shrug and laugh.

The steep hill amplifies the fall
as I roll farther down the bluff
accompanied by another crack
whose pain sends me to darkness....
Eyes open to lowering sun
and brain opens to pain
as I lie here all alone
with fear of the worst.
I shift and knives tear
in hip and oddly twisted leg

Oh crap!

Thank god for cell phones, though
as I pull it from my pocket
and warmth of day is on the go.
Flip the signal

Dial again, wave phone over my head
like swatting good.

And that forecast cold front
comes as the sun goes.
I left my coat in the truck,
was just going to be a short scout.
Damn it's getting cold.
I scoot and cry to a near tree,
lean against it,
cover self with leaves
as wind picks up.
Mercury drops.
Stars appear.
A wilderness of stars.

....hello dad.

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


A complex set of forms and very well written, a story from Spirit lol, now you have gone there, there is no return ticket.
Could you tell us more now that you are there??
The whole story read well, though in a normal epic the form would remain near the same throughout, but as a morph it did great.
Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Sorry for late reply. The real world has presented me with yet another deadline. Hopefully it won't put me on the next plane lol. I tried to come up with a poem which had both a gradual change and build up to an abrupt change so that both types morph could be seen. This is a bit long for having done so but I think "epic" might be a bit of an overstatement........stan

author comment

Nicely written morph easily while subtle is obvious to see.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Did you catch Both morphs? I wonder if the abrupt change might not be abrupt enough.........stan

author comment

I thought the morphing throughout worked for most to show the speaker disturbed mood as well as unsettled thoghts.
please feel free to tell that I am wrong, but this how I read it at least


Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I hope the changes within the poem are pretty self explanatory. As I said earlier my intent was to write a poem with a gradual morph which built up to an abrupt one where the protagonist passes out..........stan

author comment
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