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in the shit

Wading through
long blades,
tickling my palms
with their tips

stalks crack...
underfoot,
the smell of hay
permeates the air

black torments
dive bomb my face,
my hands become
windscreen wipers

far away machines
growl out the work,
as cows bellow
all the way to the bales

and then,
I was looking around
taking it all in,
until I felt a warm squish
yes it was cowshit...

I had to smile
I was home...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Hope you are doing well. Really like the poem. Have spent many a day on the farm. This brought back a lot of memories.

Well done as always. Only crit I have is the word selection in S4 with "growl" and "bellow". Think that you can make some changes here to strengthen the imagery.

Scott

Scott

Hmmm I will give those two words some thought I maybe able to come up with something better ?

Glad you liked the poem I appreciate the comment and the read

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I really admire you, you know. For one, most of the time, I can't use less than 5 syllables in a single line like you did . Its seems so easy for you and the flow is just perfect, beautiful..you write like an artist. do a beautiful painting. You always leave me craving for more. I can read your works again and again, they never gets old, dear.Seriously, I want to be like you.It's magic . Thank God for you and thank you for sharing,. You're awesome.You're one of my heroes.

(clapping!)
Alid

My goodness I don't know what to say, I write in the style that I started in its just how they come out, I don't format them that way, I am so glad you can find something to come back to a second time its a mark of good poetry when words draw you back

Thank you again my friend you've made me feel very humble tonight

love and hugs JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Now you know I HAVE to suggest something lol. I have also been around cattle a good bit and that line about the cows bellowing all the way to the hay? They are usually also running or at least trotting. Maybe you could work that in. I really liked "black torments".Hmm...and maybe tall blades instead of long blades? Keep a cool drink handy to ward off the late summer heat...........stan

I would expect nothing less than at least one suggestion hun :), I will try and work there travels to the dairy shed into the poem, tall blades ? I thought I would try something different from the norm I always read tall blades so I chose to go with 'long' instead ... I will give it some thought though

Its been a shocker of a week the humidity has been horrid I cant wait for Autumn to come they said we have some autumn-ish weather headed our way I cant wait lol

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

If I had a nickel for every time I stepped in cow shit on my grandad's farm, I'd be a rich man!
Should "bails" be "bales"?
nothing else to critique!
excellent poetry, love the ending.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

He he he I would be rich as well :) thanks for the catch on bails/bales as soon as I saw your comment I was like HUH ? then realized what I had written thank you...

glad you enjoyed it Bro'

much love (((hugs))) JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Me late on this one. It pretty well expresses the maze one finds oneself in. The end lines sum up the state of mind at the end of the maze which connects with the title. All I can say is get your feet out of that shit pronto lol...

much love and hugs..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Bit hard to stay out of the shit at the milk shed the stuff's everywhere, I don't know where I am at the moment I am a little lost but I am getting somewhere just not quite sure where lol big smile

much love and hugs JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I am pretty tall do I have to bend down to get that head pat LOL sorry couldn't resist

glad you liked it

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment
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