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Shines Like A Star ( For Joe and Jayne)

Submitted by alidzain on Mon, 2016-03-14 06:57

I see you bloom in your words,
telling your story and declaring to the whims of fate
that your soul will always be free as a bird
and the pain has not made your write degrade
but spins further in a new tapestry,
the unique fabric of feelings that defines who you are,
a powerful piece of beautiful memory,
the glory of the spirit that shines like a star.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Rula

Mon, 2016-03-14 07:18

Rula's picture
Volunteer badge

and well merited indeed.

If I may ... and the pain [has]...
Thank you for sharing!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

alidzain

Mon, 2016-03-14 09:24

alidzain's picture

Glad you liked it. Done the edit.

Alid

author comment

raj

Mon, 2016-03-14 13:35

Good one...

I suggest pain has not make [made]

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

alidzain

Mon, 2016-03-14 14:27

alidzain's picture

Done the edit. Thanks.

Alid

author comment

Geremia

Mon, 2016-03-14 13:40

Geremia's picture

How simply BEAUTIFUL. Your poem touched me more than I can say,

alidzain

Mon, 2016-03-14 14:32

alidzain's picture

You and Jayne inspired me the most here, so its only fair I do my best when I salute both of you with my poetry.

Love you friend,
from your fan,
Alid

author comment

Geremia

Mon, 2016-03-14 14:36

Geremia's picture

and you succeeded marvelously.

alidzain

Mon, 2016-03-14 14:46

alidzain's picture

I'm glad you liked it, bro.

I can't show you enough
how much I admire you.
Not even the darkest night
could deny the light from you.

Envied by the sun,
more vibrant than the rainbows.
you make me smile
under the moonlight glow.

So thank you very much
for all you have shared,
the story you have told,
the heart you have bared.

Alid

author comment

raj

Mon, 2016-03-14 15:15

Wow Alid...how quickly you have come up with this one truly shows your admiration of Jayne & Joe...

Well done...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

alidzain

Mon, 2016-03-14 16:02

alidzain's picture

if you noticed, I borrow from you abit "moonlit glow". Well they make me realize that I shouldn't give up on my dream and because of that, I became one of the representatives from my country in the compilation of malay poems from 4 countries. It really feels good, raj. I'm writing malay poems in the facebook malay poem's site every night and preparing for more projects to come. It can be tiring but I'm just loving it all.

Alid

author comment
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