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She Dies Unwillingly

Submitted by Rottiestyl on Fri, 2019-10-11 22:40

I will never convince the masses to turn.
Threats they’ll burn fall like scattered beads.
It’s an old tale they have hardened to.
The ocean is dying, the forests are crying.
Though not by way of rain.

This world we walk has a heart and soul.
At least it began that way.
But today she’s hanging by a thread
and I dread the outcome.

Can we not hold hands somewhere
and swear to try again?

She waits for protection of so many years
of rejection and neglect.
Feel her quiver beneath your feet.
Don’t let this beauty deplete without a fight.

If we can never convince the masses to turn.
Then She dies unwillingly.

By: K. Mulroney

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

c lynn brooks

Sat, 2019-10-12 07:56

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beautiful you did it again I find nothing to suggest or correct in your work

Chrys

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Rottiestyl

Sun, 2019-10-13 00:36

Rottiestyl's picture

Lynn, again for your comment and stopping by. Have a great writing day!

Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.

By: K. Mulroney

" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2019-10-12 11:55

Geezer's picture
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of the thoughts here seemed a little disjointed. I think that I understand what you want to say when you say: " Threats they'll burn like scattered leaves." but I feel like it might be a bit clearer if you said:
Threats that they will burn, are like fallen, scattered beads. Instead of the line, " At least it began that way". How about; [ It shone bright and promising ]. She withers under too many years of rejection and neglect. Just some suggestions. ~ Geezer.
.

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Rottiestyl

Sun, 2019-10-13 00:42

Rottiestyl's picture

Well lets see if I can give you my reasons for writing this the way I did. I like your suggestions except... there is a subtle rhyme in this poem. It has a certain flow that if I made any line any longer it would throw me off.
Its only my opinion, but most times too many words destroy what you are trying to say. This had one point, Our earth is dying. No one listens, at least not enough to turn this. I know you get the subject.

However I value your thoughts and will try your suggestions just to see how it will sound. Thanks again for the time and thoughts!

Rottie
aka: Kim

Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.

By: K. Mulroney

" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."

author comment
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