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SHE

Submitted by lou on Sat, 2010-11-13 17:09

She's empty, a recepticle ,translucent.
No obvious personality ,
Deconstructed.

She is battered and bruised
Misused.
Frightened to emerge.
terrified he might see.

Playing dead, guarding
her sanity.
defending a personal reality.

Recieving body blows,
crushing all self esteem.
Grinding her to a tiny nub.

Tiny crumb of self
remains, .Something to hold onto.
When all else has fled.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Comments

Rett

Sat, 2010-11-13 17:29

Rett's picture

and in such few words! Very descriptive write lou. You captured the essence of abuse perfectly.

Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin

lou

Sun, 2010-11-14 00:28

lou's picture

Thank you

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

lou

Sun, 2010-11-14 00:30

lou's picture

Anyone would think you love me lol

Much love Louise

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

ziggy

Mon, 2010-11-15 12:38

louise what powerful words you use on a hard topic
like abuse , and a very sad ending, well wrote lou,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs x

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

lou

Mon, 2010-11-15 20:52

lou's picture

Thanks mate xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2010-11-16 23:25

Geezer's picture
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i like that you retain some hope for the salvation of the tortured soul. " Tiny crumb of self remains,. Something to hold onto. When all else has fled". love ya, ~ Gee

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Hooded Stranger

Wed, 2010-11-17 06:44

Hooded Stranger's picture

Lou,

enjoyed this one. Nice short verses but giving a mass of description within each.

A tough subject, but crafted and executed well.

My only niggle is that I don't like 'nub'...can't tell you why, but each read finds me stuck on that word.

cheers,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

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