Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

shattered fragments

i seem to not sleep much anymore
the precious flame in me you'd feed,
now feeds off the sleepless nights we'd share together

the songs our minds tuned in sync with,
the laughter our voices shared across the world we created,
the love beating from my troubled heart,
the love i couldn't feel beat from yours

now you're a shattered fragment
a fragment i can no longer feel.
the fragments of my past come to strike me yet,
you're the brightest piece aiming towards my heart.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
hey im back, hope you're all doing good. i kinda went free verse with this. tell me what you think :)
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


The first line seems rather awkward and I would rearrange it.

"It seems that I don't sleep much anymore"

Try: a fragment I [can] no longer feel
[Pieces] of my past...

Other than that, nice job, it lets me feel the pain
you are trying to show. Glad to see you back! ~ Geezer.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

i see what you mean now, it does seem kinda awkward. thank you, ill fix it!

edit: i took note of your piece note but just replaced it on another line. thanks again :)

post tenebras lux

author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.