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shadows Of Me

I cannot see through the darkness
I cannot feel the cold
winter has taken hold of my heart
and the night has stolen my soul

I am the lamb led to the slaughter
I am the ship claimed by the sea

Do not seek
or you will find only a shadow
of the person I used to be

I dwell in a place
that you cannot follow
I'm no more than a shell
I have become hollow

It is cold and dark
but it is safe you see

For I now live
deep inside of me

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

safe in the cocoon; I hope that there is a butterfly emerging. I would delete the [For] in the line: "Winter has taken hold of my ] heart". You just don't need it. Besides, there is another [for] in near proximity and it just looks awkward. A good bit of rhyme here, well written. ~ Geez.
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thank you I took uor suggestion but had to sub a word since I was using for as except

some might say this is the real me

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author comment

a very nice poem with an apt title with bits of melancholy as well as philosophy...

be well...

raj (sublime_ocean)

thank you for reading

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author comment

I read this and just thought it incredibly sad until I got the your last lines, cold and dark but safe, oh you have also spoken for me as sometimes I feel like this. An incredible poem that really makes one think and to have the ecceptance in one's own mind is truly a powerful tool. I am out of town so my apologies for not writing something sooner. A beautiful poem, I think your an amazing poetess.

Thank you...Teddy

Thank you very much ok so you have me blushing
sometimes being in ones own mind is not the place to be as stated it may be safe but it is cold and lonely

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author comment

once again I am blown away by the poetic skill you have tapped into, to convey your feelings.I am in awe off your talent. this poem really resonated with me! perfect, from first line to last!

*hugs, Cat
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When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
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thank you
you were always to kind

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author comment

I asked Steve to read this poem. his comment to me was: excellent...I can see where it is coming from. (he was impressed!)

awesome!
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When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

My thanks to Steve

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author comment

Please excuse my curiosity but your second line reads,

cannot feel save the cold

I must have missed this line on my first reads and wanted to ask about it?

Thank you...Teddy

you did not miss it I used Geezer's suggestion
the word save is used here as meaning except for

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author comment

Thank you, I thought I was going bananas, I came back to read this because I just love its meaning.

Thank you...Teddy

That I may have been remiss in my suggestion that you delete the [for] in that line; since you do not use puncuation, it reads a bit differently than I expected. How about, replacing the [for] in that line and removing it from "Winter has taken hold of my heart" ? ~ Gee.
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I cannot feel save the cold --- i cannot feel the cold
Winter has taken hold of my heart ------- Like this could work very well

just my suggestion

Thank you...Teddy

two good suggestions thank you

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author comment

well thats perfect, this poem has inspired me a great deal.
you have inspired me to write this, only i can change the mind of my mind.

Thank you...Teddy

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