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shadows Of Me

I cannot see through the darkness
I cannot feel the cold
winter has taken hold of my heart
and the night has stolen my soul

I am the lamb led to the slaughter
I am the ship claimed by the sea

Do not seek
or you will find only a shadow
of the person I used to be

I dwell in a place
that you cannot follow
I'm no more than a shell
I have become hollow

It is cold and dark
but it is safe you see

For I now live
deep inside of me

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

safe in the cocoon; I hope that there is a butterfly emerging. I would delete the [For] in the line: "Winter has taken hold of my ] heart". You just don't need it. Besides, there is another [for] in near proximity and it just looks awkward. A good bit of rhyme here, well written. ~ Geez.
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thank you I took uor suggestion but had to sub a word since I was using for as except

some might say this is the real me

Chrys

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author comment

a very nice poem with an apt title with bits of melancholy as well as philosophy...

be well...

raj (sublime_ocean)

thank you for reading

Chrys

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author comment

Thank you very much ok so you have me blushing
sometimes being in ones own mind is not the place to be as stated it may be safe but it is cold and lonely

Chrys

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author comment

once again I am blown away by the poetic skill you have tapped into, to convey your feelings.I am in awe off your talent. this poem really resonated with me! perfect, from first line to last!

*hugs, Cat
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"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

thank you
you were always to kind

Chrys

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author comment

I asked Steve to read this poem. his comment to me was: excellent...I can see where it is coming from. (he was impressed!)

awesome!
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"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

My thanks to Steve

Chrys

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author comment

you did not miss it I used Geezer's suggestion
the word save is used here as meaning except for

Chrys

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author comment

That I may have been remiss in my suggestion that you delete the [for] in that line; since you do not use puncuation, it reads a bit differently than I expected. How about, replacing the [for] in that line and removing it from "Winter has taken hold of my heart" ? ~ Gee.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
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two good suggestions thank you

Chrys

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author comment
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