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shadows Of Me

I cannot see through the darkness
I cannot feel the cold
winter has taken hold of my heart
and the night has stolen my soul

I am the lamb led to the slaughter
I am the ship claimed by the sea

Do not seek
or you will find only a shadow
of the person I used to be

I dwell in a place
that you cannot follow
I'm no more than a shell
I have become hollow

It is cold and dark
but it is safe you see

For I now live
deep inside of me

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

safe in the cocoon; I hope that there is a butterfly emerging. I would delete the [For] in the line: "Winter has taken hold of my ] heart". You just don't need it. Besides, there is another [for] in near proximity and it just looks awkward. A good bit of rhyme here, well written. ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

thank you I took uor suggestion but had to sub a word since I was using for as except

some might say this is the real me

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment

a very nice poem with an apt title with bits of melancholy as well as philosophy...

be well...

raj (sublime_ocean)

thank you for reading

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment

Thank you very much ok so you have me blushing
sometimes being in ones own mind is not the place to be as stated it may be safe but it is cold and lonely

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment

once again I am blown away by the poetic skill you have tapped into, to convey your feelings.I am in awe off your talent. this poem really resonated with me! perfect, from first line to last!

*hugs, Cat
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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

thank you
you were always to kind

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment

I asked Steve to read this poem. his comment to me was: excellent...I can see where it is coming from. (he was impressed!)

awesome!
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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

My thanks to Steve

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment

you did not miss it I used Geezer's suggestion
the word save is used here as meaning except for

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment

That I may have been remiss in my suggestion that you delete the [for] in that line; since you do not use puncuation, it reads a bit differently than I expected. How about, replacing the [for] in that line and removing it from "Winter has taken hold of my heart" ? ~ Gee.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

two good suggestions thank you

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment
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