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Shadow Valley

The silent valley broods,
no rapids, no mist,
dumb, desolate, mystified
no creaking timber
or foxy howl,
no grumbling of land slides
or whispered sighs,
just silence and solitude
deserted of birds and rainbows
once a paradise,
now steeped in dark shadows
of stilled clouds,
swallowing in the disquiet of quiet
within and without
as this tranquil emptiness
Is filled with contemplating
life without you.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I can't help but wonder if you got some of the ideas to write this poem from the first part of Stan's workshop when we have to write without portraying imagery. lol. Anyway this is a good poem which describes a great loneliness and sadness in the absence of a loved one.Congrats...

Alid

Thanks Alid for your time and read. Good to know you liked this one.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Long time eh...
I just wanted to drop a big hey and say I won't be available for a couple of week, but everything is just great...
I LOVED this work...Somber? Well, maybe , isn't sadness and loneliness part of our humann
Well done friend..You've captured it pretty well.

Just a thought for the title, "The Silent Vally" don't you think it would be a bit more concise?
Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Thanks for stopping by to visit this page and leaving an appreciative comment. Noted your suggestion about adding The to the title and implemented it already. Looks like you are likely to be on a vacation. Enjoy it and come back with more ideas for your poems.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

your poetry silences me
Am I a poet like raj ji
or will I ever be

Raj just tell me

loved

Thanks for the visit. Honestly I still have a lot way to learn and keep trying. I am sure everyone is here for that including you and walking the same learning curve like me

it is rare that our accomplished friends here like Ian, Jess, Wesley, Scribbler, Nordic Cloud and many more find it worthy to stop by and leave a comment...which acts like tonic...as does the comments of others too like you...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

We all are equal in the eyes of a new reader
Let's take a lesson or two
from Neopoets not too few
to express our inner desires
and set aflame
all misgivings that someone else
is better than me….
may be any
each poet has his /her own style
mostly most their time while,
expressing inner most grief
but forget that life is exceedingly brief
Live not in the solitudes of time
get up and to the music of life chime
life is really sublime,
live up to your confidence
as I do mine
Life is just a twinkle in terms of time
eternity is still far worthy to view
who is better than a poet
which is within you

You are an entity

loved

I do appreciate your response to my comment. However, please know that I never meant to undermine anyone's prowess and also respect everyone's entity and identity. I also appreciate everyone's finding time to visit my attempts at poetry and review their positive or negative comment / criticism objectively. Let me put it this way, like everyone, I do have role models and in my continual learning process set them as bench marks. Having said that, I also look at submissions of others and take away some good ideas I notice in their posts.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

ru from Bombay?

loved

Yes, I am from Bombay, now better known as Mumbai

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

indicates Mumbai
as you say ...
I had a friendly one also from Bhopal or Indore
he too was Raj
so I asked

nice knowing you ,
Y O U
are a great poet for sure
in the prime of learning
we all call youth
may be thirty plus
not, more

loved

The silent vales of the mind
where we go to leave all our troubles behind.
I choose a cave or wooded glade
to seek out the real me inside.

Just visit me there when you are not top line
we can have a cup of chee at yours or mine.
What a lovely place to go.
But make the birds sing, I miss them so.

Encourage the best flowers to grow
they will heal a troubled soul.
Never walk the darkened valley alone
Walk tall as all the things in your mind you own,

Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks for taking time for visiting my page and leaving a poetic response. You have of course captured the mood and essence of the poem as you are expected to do given your skills. I would like to know if the poem does communicate my intent to express that just like there are Highs (mountains) there are troughs (valieys) too, when one tries to seek peace by going away from the routine may be for a while, sort of escaping but then soon realizing how much one is missing (disquiet in quiet)...

Best regards and thanks again...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

always remember it is your peace you seek that of others could annoy or irritate your well being.
In Spirit seek only those things you need not the things you want, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Its looking at our priorities and committing ourselves to them which could avoid some setbacks in this life.

Alid

Thanks for stopping by again. Appreciate your suggestion. Let me clarify though that for me the inspiration to write a poem comes not necessarily from the bubble I am in but also influenced by the situation, events and people. Sometimes it is just a babble when I let thoughts flow from mind to key board...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Ian would have flown
don't throw
a silent stone

loved

very good poem of solitude raj

Thanks Emeka for your time, read and appreciative comment.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

the silence. The loneliness of the scene wasn't disturbing in the least. I often think about what it would be like to be deaf to all of the world because of loss of someone near and dear to me. This is what it would be ;like.
~ Geezer

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

Thank you for visiting this page and leaving your appreciative comment. It means a lot when accomplished ones like you visit and comment and critique..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Sorry I was single minded when I commented.
As Gee has said it is a place we wander when loosing a loved one, when I can I will revise one I wrote about such places when they enveloped my being for a short while some time back.
As he said it is a dark place and so lonely where even sounds familiar are a drain on ones hearing, go well young traveller and know you can only go half way into despair the rest of the time you are coming out,
Yours Ian.T
PS:- I have found the piece it is called
"Shadow Days"
I have walked in days just gone by
that threw all sorts of shadows at my feet.
The sun felt cool as did the world,
was this all my feelings
now that it was getting cool.

Why did the others
that held my hand in times gone by,
leave me in this time, I wonder why
So it came to me as I looked around,
at the long shadows on the ground
That most of them were cast
by the things that were behind me.

This made the path ahead shine with hope
That I could once again see.
I still have to find these things
as I have been looking with eyes closed
The world will not show its self
to those who close their eyes

To feel the world and not see
is only half of what should be
So I have opened my eyes at the way ahead
there are things that held my gaze before
A new life and people knocking at my door
As though in the autumn of my years
is a time for rebirth of things new.

Adorning myself in a new coat
to fend of the breath of winter to come
I will go forward now and seek out fun
as the autumn does not last long for some
If I see you there in the autumn of my time
think of things now or then in past times
realise that it is better to be.
Than to wait to see,
if the world will come knocking on your door

Believe it is your life for ever more

Written in 1999 when I was alone after 36 years of marriage,
But we are resilient and life goes on..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks for sharing "The Shadows" which captures more beautifully and pragmatically the essence of my poem "The Silent Valley"...It was a pleasure to walk in those shadows created by your poem...thanks again..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Accomplishment is made possible through the efforts of the reader to understand the spirit in which the poem is written. Without readers of my works, the only accomplishment I would make, would be the self-satisfaction of having written what was or is on my mind. Thank you, ~ Geezer

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

You are so very right....the point you have made is meaningful and well taken...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

most times loneliness is the best company one can ever wish for. Peace. quiet. I like to visit the Silent Valley after u.lol Powerful imagery.

respects.

WonderGolly

What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol

Thank you for your time, visit and your words of appreciation.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I really like your use of imagery, especially in the first half of the poem. In the second half you shift to describe your thoughts and feelings of emptiness and I feel perhaps you have included too much repetition of words (quiet and disquiet for example), and the colloquial "I figure out" slight detracts for the brooding tone (at least for me). I would also try to avoid using "me" and "I" too much since the reader knows you are there. So perhaps another way of expressing your thoughts would be as below:

just silence and solitude
deserted of birds and rainbows
once a paradise,
now steeped in dark shadows
of stilled clouds,
swallowing in the disquiet of quiet
within and without
as this tranquil emptiness
Is filled with contemplating
life without you.

As always just some suggestions you may or may not find useful. I agree with Rula by the way that the title does not really capture the intent of the poem. Perhaps "Shadow valley" or even "Paradise lost" if you want to be Miltonesque.

My best wishes
Keith

From your comments on some poems of our friends here, I could notice that your preoccupation with work does not allow you to spend sufficient time for Neopoet. I therefore really appreciate your time to visit this page and your critique, which is spot on. I am adopting the changes suggested by you in toto. I know now why your assumed ID here is Professor.

Best regards and thank you once again,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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