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Shadow

Your voice calls from the Dark

Whispers that haunt

                each flake of Snow

The wet kiss of the ice trails my cheek

The only truth,

                the ground with each step.

 

Your tongue darts the mind

Thoughts tortured

                with each stab of the Arctic wind

The warmth of my palms partially melts the ice

The true rest,

                The completeness of the Dark.

 

The wind marries the Dark

A silent Blizzard

I am nowhere and everywhere

I am lost in the Dark

I am The Void

 

PT 2013/05/30

 

Editing stage: 

Comments

Welcome to Neopoet !!! You will find a wide assortment
of poetry and poets here, I hope you enjoy yourself.

You chose the "not actively editing" critique level,
to me it means you are not interested in anything
one might have to say about your write, I'm hoping
to be wrong and you are merely confused about
it is you are seeking.

This poem, while some may find beauty in the
metaphors, I find something not tangible, unable
to connect. Abstractions can be very helpful but
this poem, in my opinion, needs something more.

again, welcome to the site,

Richard

Neopoet is a poetry workshop, not a publishing site. We are here to help and there are some very fine poets who can give you valuable feedback.

As above, Richard is one of our best.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I notice that you have been a member of Neopoet for a long while yet this seems to be your first poem.
The members above, are some of the best there are on Neo so I go along with their comments..
Having been a member for so long it would be good to see more activity from you.
Hope (Not Cape of Good) that you will join us more often,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

NeoPoet is a workshop environment. Everyone here stand poised to help you grown and change as a poet. Just give us the direction you would like to travel and suggestions will abound.
And on the other side of that coin... we would all like your thoughts on how to improve our poetry.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I haven't had pen to paper in over six months.

Abstract is generally how I see things, they are from me, but separate, their own entities that I am looking at, separate.

I have been a member for a while, I'm currently trying to trace my old work and take things from there. Next one will be open.

author comment

I am becoming so negative, a world of black and white where the colours are reversed.
Thoughts held for moments then gone as I watched Picasso paint.
I asked him how does he see the world and people so.
He laughed and said,
"do your eyes not drop sometimes,
do you not give a wry smile,
and sometimes I hate to ask are you not two faced?"
He talked awhile about most things that are real in his abstract world, and then I looked anew, there his pictures became fresh and more meaningful.
You write as you wish to write, just check Eskers writes and his titles, they dwell in "Eskerworld" as yours may become "Darkworld", it is your style, yet sometimes walk on the light side, as it enhances the dark, this is also true of the reverse.
We learn here of many things, and how to write is one, the theme is yours.
That will do it's not Sunday lol Take care and lovely to have you aboard and I await your next write, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I find even after I have published something to the Stream, once I go and read it on there, I can make a hundred changes in a matter of minutes. Everyone mentioned above have helped me at some point in my Neopoet career. I learned how to make my poetry tangible, my characters (while still working on this part) are becoming three dimensional and there is always room for improvement. I took a two year break from writing and have found that I grew so much as a person, therefore my writing grew. My start back was rocky but after reading others works and taking the advice from such individuals as the ones who have commented above me, I am back on my feet and on to so many other writing adventures :) If you like dark poems, check out some of my stuff. I don't know if it's up your ally but take a look if you get a moment.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

As I grow as a writer and a human I must revisit my large poem and edit it to reflect who I am at this time. Nothing is ever finished as we will always continue to grow. My small poems I leave alone as a reflection of what I was, but the big poem must come with me always. I hope your larger work will always reflect what and who you have become.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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