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Seven Deadly Sins (Pride)
Boasting myself in a costume of glory
It may be the most deplorable sin
but it is as beautiful as I
I'll compete with the Greater Being
I do believe I can win
I often wonder
Is pride really the worst sin?
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
So, my new project is the Seven Deadly Sins, I shall post each (Sin) day by day. Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride. Then i shall join them together to make a full Poem.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Author information
Region & Country
Florence (Italy)
Favorite Poets
Those who have the courage to inspire, Oscar Wilde, Dante Alighieri and William Blake, are definately amongst my favourites.
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Comments
Geezer
Mon, 2020-10-05 08:25
Going to...
come back to this a bit later. ~ Geez.
.
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Teddy15
Mon, 2020-10-05 09:04
Dear Geezer
I can't wait for your thoughts Sir.
Thank you...Teddy
author commentTeddy15
Mon, 2020-10-05 12:16
Changed first line
Boasting myself in a costume of glory, edited, it may sound better?
Thank you...Teddy
author commentTeddy15
Mon, 2020-10-05 13:01
Dearest JerryK
Thank you sir. And thank you for following this project through to the end. You have been greatly appreciated.
Thank you...Teddy
author commentTeddy15
Mon, 2020-10-05 13:02
Dearest JerryK
Thank you sir. And thank you for following this project through to the end. You have been greatly appreciated.
Thank you...Teddy
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2020-10-05 13:02
I rather like...
the line "Boasting of myself in a costume of glory." I don't get the connection of "My veins are succulent to perfection."
Almost sounds as though you boast of being a vampire! ~ Geez.
.
Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.
Teddy15
Mon, 2020-10-05 13:49
Oh
Dear Geezer Ok now i understand, my veins pumping the proud blood making them bulge like boasting my inner self
i'd really like to make this a good one. i thought the first line and the succulent would be the ones that were risky, i shall put my original beginning back. Oh that line for vampires i like very much now, but you are right doesnt fit well here. i will come up with something better, to sshow vanity
Take two
i just took the line out as it really was redundent, thanks for always making me think, i hope you enjoy it better?
Thank you...Teddy
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2020-10-05 14:52
Glad to help out...
I don't always get it right, but I try. ~ Geez.
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Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.