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Seven Deadly Sins ( Lust)

I dream of nothing but you
even though my heart should be with another
I would gladly walk through flames of fire
to be free from this aching wish to have you
My lack of self-control
will be the very weakened power
that kills me
Restless in knowing I will be
lusting death itself.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
So, my new project is the Seven Deadly Sins, I shall post each (Sin) day by day. Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride. Then i shall join them together to make a full Poem.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

however, you might like to think about trading 'it's self' in the ultimate line for 'itself' (pronoun). It has a better ring to it I think. Possibly take out all the punctuation too?

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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Ok peice? lol

Of course I am the queen of typo's I'm learning every day and I appreciate when good eyes can see my errors come forward to speak. I actually wasn't sure either about comma's so much gratitude dear Alan.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

and 'I actually wasn't sure about the commata either'

Sorry!

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

So is it a bit better now?
I like it straight up like my vodka.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

you have improved it immensely.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

Thanks again, I am hoping it will be a full poem within a week. So very grateful for your help, one of my worst qualities are grammar and spelling, I'm not shy to admit it.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

now, why couldn't I have thought of a worthy theme like yours? Frankly, I love it and will await the completion of your poem--with bated breath. Darn it! I missed the opportunity to show off my wits. Brava, Teddy.
Jerry

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>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

LoL you make me laugh always, yes I may just die from lust itself. I like trying new stuff, this is where my love for Dante comes in handy. I like to be dramatic sometimes. I hope.this little project is worthy of the time. Always a pleasure to have you on my page Sir. Thank you for your words of encouragement.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

yes, Dante is great. I have his illustrated works (collector's items). However, you would get a real charge out of Giovanni Boccaccio's Decameron. It's a collection of semi-naughty tales. Again, I have a collectors copy of The Decameron. BTW, Giovanni was a Florentine; so, be proud of him. Take care, be good (if you can),
Jerry
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>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

I could never cheat on Dante! (Giggles)...

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

just one time, please? Old Dante won't mind. Say, do you play the Piano? Our home is so crowded, there is no room for a Grand--only for a Baldwin Upright. However, a lady artist (painter just like me) allows me to use her Baby Grand and I coax some Beethoven bagatelles out of it. My favorite is his "Rage over a lost coin." Got to go now--I'm still in my pajamas at 9 o'clock; oh, the shame of it ....
Signor Jerry

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>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

My musical talents go as far as my voice it's not bad actually however I wish I could have been one to play a Grand Piano. I GET A BIT JEALOUS when I'm at a posh dinner party and someone goes to the piano! LOL

9am? I've just finished my days work it's 6pm

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

"Caro Mio"--how wonderful. It reminds me of Puccini's wonderful aria "O Mio Babbino Caro." Puccini was another talent loaned to us by God. Some day I must tell you about my visit to La Scala, but not now (I'm still futzing around in my Pyjamas, but what the heck); I'm retired and retarded, therefore, entitled to it. Yeah, sing me a song. My singing voice is gone. These days I just croak like a bullfrog. Bye, dear Teddy. Jerry

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>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

A thing that all are assailed with. It is not something that one likes to admit and surely a vice that one should have no trouble resisting. I think that we all have our personal vice to deal with, something that is harder to deal with for us, than another person's trials. "What evil lurks in the minds of man?" The Shadow knows. I touch upon the sin of lust in one of my poems called "Piss Off". A good write, Teddy. Keep them coming. ~ Geez.
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Piss off? How the hell did I miss that one, shall pop off to read that. Love the title already. Yes I am trying to get together an epic poem(seven deadly sins) of course with the help of my great neo friends, Geezer, I would never cheat on my husband, unless of course George Clooney asked! lol so great to have you here, you must be writing something epic of your own you've been missing in action! Very quiet here without you.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

with some personal issues that have my muse in a tizzy. I promise; I will be back to shake up the peeps soon. I have some fluff to put up in the meantime, so back to work on the fluffy stuff for now. ~ Geez.
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Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

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