Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Separation

Submitted by judyanne on Mon, 2012-04-16 00:51

Before this round of Karma's wheel began.
Emotion strove to think of new ideas
and challenges she could present to man
and woman, while we learn to face our fears.

Such as the lesson of the door of death -
to teach us separation, and the plan
is, while we're at this place where we draw breath,
our memories are clouded for the span
and we forget we are eternal beings.

A gift, Emotion gave the human race -
we think we lose, we learn to count our blessings,
soak up and cherish every love's embrace,
for nothing lasts - illusion's this life's lesson.

But somehow now, that's doesn't ring quite true,
I can't help think, if everything's illusion
then separation's an illusion too.

.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

magics02

Mon, 2012-04-16 09:13

Nice to read you once again. I like this poetic piece and this part especially

A gift, Emotion gave the human race -
we think we lose, we learn to count our blessings,
soak up and cherish every love's embrace,
for nothing lasts - illusion's this life's lesson

We think we lose as we learn to count our blessings - how true to life this is! I really enjoyed reading this. Hope you are doing fine out there in Aussie land and all is going well for you.

Blessings
Ms Mona

judyanne

Mon, 2012-04-16 16:04

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

thank you for the visit and read
glad you enjoyed it

all's well here in aus
lol how are the denizens of the everglades? :)
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Eduardo Cruz

Mon, 2012-04-16 20:43

Eduardo Cruz's picture

The wheel 0f life turns and like traversing a mountain we are up and sometimes down.
The illusion is what the world creates to domesticate
there are no illusions if we live in the moment.
the past is the lesson, the future not write, the moment is all we have.
so love, hate, fight, and live, for these things are not illusion. they are our life.

seperations were created by lawyers to take our money. even in death we all return to the same place.
So tell me where is the seperation.because i do not see it?

Wonderful write, very thought prevoking.
Eddie
..

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

judyanne

Tue, 2012-04-17 02:55

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

for the very kind review
i can't help but wonder, though, if we really even have the moment
... before we can grasp it it is gone...

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

weirdelf

Mon, 2012-04-16 23:45

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

This damned fine writing, content, meaning and structure.

I did get a wee wriggle of discomfort at the line

Remember now, that's not exactly true,

you flip from first person plural to second person, eek! You know I hate be told what to do, or even worse anything inspirational. Perhaps something like

Let's remember now, that's not exactly true,
we bear in mind, if everything's illusion
then separation's an illusion too.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

judyanne

Tue, 2012-04-17 02:56

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

for the reminder to not sound 'teachy'
i have changed that part, i think is is better

thanks for the great comments and assist
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

weirdelf

Tue, 2012-04-17 02:59

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

thanks for listening.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.