dear friend. If I could inspire a talented poet like yourself!
I wished you could find a replacement for "does" in the last line.
I understand your choice is valid for emphasis, but still I feel it reluctant.
It's still your gem!
Kudos!

I'm not sure either. I see different ideas in each line. Youth is really in turmoil nowadays, but we still have faith in them, don't we? So, I thought you can keep this one as is and maybe write another seneryu implementing the word 'proclaim' as it holds a better feel of the coming generation.

Another idea, you might think of extending the seneryu to tanka to clarify what you hope from them to do the next few years maybe.

Now I'm more concerned with 'is' that starts the second line.
Some punctuation is needed there, but as these forms don't accept punctuation, I'm not sure how to solve it. I didn't pay much attention to it last night when I first read it.
Sorry that I couldn't help much.

dear friend.
Maybe you meant to say 'as' not 'is'.
That would solve the confusion I think.

my fault that I didn't get what you wanted when you said "which line to toe". Sorry.