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Self - Deception

Submitted by axe11e on Tue, 2018-03-20 04:06

Darkness...
Until I make out the shadows
by the light of a candle.

The wick, it wears thin.
Flickering schemes on the wall.

Disillusioned by the glow,
and I lose myself once more.

I see the truth.
I know it.
But I allow this fusing wax
to slowly drip
onto my polluted soul.

It burns....

occluding me with transparent lies.
The lies that I see through
and I deem myself to believe.

There is no escape.
There is no more light.
Only the darkness,
where I am kept safe.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

aeron maccloud

Tue, 2018-03-20 23:31

aeron maccloud's picture

I'm not sure what to say here but they say you should offer critique where you can. Maybe we can help each other out.

I like the poem. It set a mood and tone really well. Love that word 'occluding'.
That last line would be really off-putting without the title.
onto my polluted soul.
That line is disturbing.

I thinks it's a good poem, effective

Aeron
If poetry doesn't change anything it isn't anything.

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