Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Seed

Shivering on forbidding shores under
cries of wheeling gulls on slate grey sky
we wait for events to unfold,
feeling the blast of sea air coming in,
the salt taste sharp on our tongues,
it drains the blood from exposed skin,
yet your gentle breath wafts close
and warm on nape of neck as I extend
my arm to the far horizon and take
in palm of hand the slowly looming
over-laden boat and encompass it
like a precious incubating seed.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I like this a lot. It made me feel as though I could taste the air and feel the breeze. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thanks. The subject was closer to home than the previous one so probably more successful for that…what did you think of the end?
Regards,
klundera

author comment

were trying to say that there is more to come from this boat, you just have to wait for it to dock. ~Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Hiya, Klundera.

Good piece! well written.
The only thing that irked me was,,,,, 'slate grey sky'
its a tad well worn a phrase.

Cheers, Obi.

Hi,
Yes you're probably right!
Thanks

author comment

I am looking forward to reading more of your stuff.

As far as the question about the ending... "over-laden boat" pu me in a pic of a boat about to swamped , crisis. It that what you intended?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.