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Second Poem ever

When we were children there was an old Iron mine near where we lived, It was like a miniature Valley.
This piece was really the first try at poetry all those years ago. and it is in that old exercise book, I have here..
It has since been edited but this is the original as I wrote it 60 years ago..

The Valley 1957

Down through this wonderful valley of the never setting sun
Where time stands at the height of summer in its full run
Trees adorned in their lustrous green coats, move with me.
Move to the gentle breezes, playing hide come seek all day
Here there and everywhere, in prancing leaves we play.
Across the lake, which is now a silver disc
Made beautiful by the suns rays, leaping across the surface
Appearing to catch the silver of the fish, scattering it far and wide
To the river that relieves the lake to the stream that feeds
One dancing bowl of light
Drift with the river as it flows slowly through, fields and trees
Meander on to where the hills blend with the sky, lost in the distance
Place of perfect rest, unique in its sights and sounds
As time unchanged, so the valley of dreams, held forever
Oh sweet repose from life’s troubles, here to wander as the breeze
Across through and over, just sighing with the trees
To move, but wonder of all to move nothing
As the sun, always there to see, and to caress the things it sees
Ian.T

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Just a memory now, as the ground there is flat and the valley has gone..
Editing stage: 

Comments

as though you had an eye for beauty in the mundane everyday world. Much as you do today.
I vaguely remember scenes that played in my mind as a child, while I played in the last wooded areas that my urban area afforded us. Nice job of bringing that back to me. ~ Gee.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Through the eyes of a 15 year old as I have said many times I would have loved to have been taught Poetry at some level when a young lad.
I joined the RAF at 15 plus 3 months, and had left school before any certificates were issued, so I learned all my present info from reading or just watching others, the RAF taught us Electronic Theory an Maths and that was it.
A Country boy didn't need to go to those wonderful schools I yearned for.
I was content with the world I could sense around me, and that has given me so much more in many ways.
Nature and reason, what I call applied intelligence saw me through many problems, life was a challenge but I found it wonderful in many ways.
One day will walk with you through your fields and Aspen groves or even let the wind blow my face on a motor bike but we will see how we can write of these things.
Bless you Gee in that we can walk together now and then,
Yours Ian..

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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