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Sea Myth

Death, Love's final triumph over matter
a dreamless sea bereft of singing fowl
whose skating progeny as souls take flight
as tearing limbs merge with wings of light

A mariner's caw the crows tattoo
abreast of salt sea souls consumed
beneath a hungry veil her vigils keep
in coils of foam the prisoner's deep

Sailors in squawking marsh tongues
men of sea, wind & sky
Liliths of air, bone & thigh
enchanted oils and foul rank mud
a misting veil twixt earth & God

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

a little murky. I like the darkness in it, but need to have some vision here. If one takes it as a comment on the life of a sailor, then it works, but for me, there was nothing deeper. Maybe you could enlighten me? ~ Geezer.
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its about the path of the soul beyond this world as much as the sea myths mentioned. I am more comfortable writing free verse. the poems I have currently posted are my attempts at more structured lines. I agree my rhyme is broken.

author comment

and then of course there is the repetition of the word veil that must be changed I'll have to think on that

author comment

this has a really gothic feel to me. I like the connection between death and the imagery surrounding the sea. is it meant to rhyme throughout, or just randomly? I like the flow and the imagery, either way.

its about leaving the physical world behind. and moving on to the next dimension. whatever that maybe I don't have the answers heaven, hell, or just another step on the ladder.

author comment

thanks for reading and bothering to comment

author comment
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