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To the Sea, My Mistress... [January contest]

Grey-green mounds of water
Capped with pale white froth
Move smooth beneath a leaden sky
Struck by lightning, made to broth

Deep, it holds its' secrets
Holds them down and close
Sunken dreams, drowned it seems
Drunken gods, verbose

She's a cruel and dangerous mistress
She tempts you with fair skies
Balmy breeze, such a tease
So pleasing to the eyes

For sailors on the boundless sea
The water's a living thing
Mates for life, it's their wife
Whatever she may bring

So, when I die and pass away
Down to Davy Jones I'll go
I'll join his crew, like we all do
That's a sailor's life, you know?

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Just wondering about the title. Thank you for the ideas about my title. I decided to take the middle road and re-title it. Hope it works. Also thanks to Rula for catching the plural-rhyme.
Editing stage: 
Contest: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hi, Geezer,
I know very little of a sailor's life, but the essence is certainly captured here, and more. I enjoyed every word of this. There is something deep in there that holds the reader - wonderful language.
Maybe: Sea, My Mistress or My Mistress, the Sea?
Thanks!
L

to make the title a sort of a pun or something. As in: See my mistress; meaning she's the boss. I will think on your suggestion of changing to My Mistress, the Sea. Glad that you enjoyed this. Thank you! ~ Geez.
.

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author comment

I am always so glad to have you read and comment on my work. [Mostly because you are so lavish in praise]. LoL
I am a bit of afraid of the sea, I never venture far out when going to the beach, especially after seeing 'Jaws'! I have been out fishing on a charter a few times and loved it! I think a lot of that is because the mates take care of the cleaning of the fishes and all you have to do is reel them in. Thanks for the good luck wishes. ~ Geez.
.

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Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
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author comment

with snorkeling, you have your face and eyes beneath the surface and can see what's going on. I don't know what I would be able to do against a big shark, but I would at least like to have the chance to do something. I hate the idea of being surprised and eaten before I could do anything. ~ Geez.
.

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Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
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author comment

My only suggestion on this is to keep your perfect rhymes all through by modifying (eye) to (eyes)
Just a suggestion you know. Great personification of your mistress. Best of luck.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Yes, I missed that. I will certainly put that plural ending on. Don't know how I missed that. Thank you for the good luck wishes and the comment about my perfect rhyme.
~ Geez

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
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author comment

show don't
see
but you have a vast sea
she
winner may you be
Gee
there is no entry
by me

Mellvile is who this reminds me of. Nicely done!

A great contestant in the Jan contest!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Wow! Melville huh? I could deal with the fame of that one! ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

author comment

this one "To the Sea, My Mistress" Thanks for your ideas though, and I like them enough that if I hadn't already chosen a new one, I would select one of them. ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
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author comment

coming to read this one again

Line 1 stanza 2 there is an extra apostrophe.I think you don't really need it.
Deep, it holds its(') secrets

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

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