Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Sculpting Deep Respect
My heart beats honour
Slicing into your image
Sculpting deep respect.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Haven't tried this kind of poem before - not even sure what kind of poem it is. Any imput would be welcome.
Love Mand xx
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
mand
Fri, 2010-12-10 07:54
Any imput would be welcome!
Any imput would be welcome!
author commentKailashana2
Fri, 2010-12-10 08:21
This is wonderful, Mand! You
This is wonderful, Mand! You got it in one try!
Brava!
~A
mand
Fri, 2010-12-10 09:29
Woow!!!
Really!! I'm chuffed. I haven't attempted anything like this before so I was a bit dubious. You've given me a boost - especially coming from a poet such as yourself. Ohh thank you Anna.
Loads of love
Mand xxxxxx
author commentKailashana2
Fri, 2010-12-10 09:52
Methinks the style might be
Methinks the style might be Senryu which is based on human nature, unlike Haiku which is more Mother Nature.
You really have mastered it. Sculpting deep respect, indeed.
~
http://members.optushome.com.au/kazoom/poetry/senryu.html
mand
Fri, 2010-12-10 10:24
Hey Seren
It feels quite strange, writing in a different style. Like I'm learning to swim - really pleased for the encouragement - So thank you for reading and commenting - at least I know I'm kinda on the right track.lol
Loads of love and kisses
Mand xxxxxxx
author commentGeezer
Fri, 2010-12-10 12:55
On the...
right track! Yes, you are! Like Anna says; "Got it in one"! Very nice work.
I echo praise recieved
Honor rebounds
Molded by respect
~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
mand
Fri, 2010-12-10 15:36
Yes!
Thank you Geezer. Yes honor rebounds molded by respect. Thats the message.
Great - thanks for reading and commenting.
Loads of love
Mand xxxxxxx
author commentKailashana2
Fri, 2010-12-10 16:46
Sir Gee,
Sir Gee,
Wow! What a duet!
~A
Nordic cloud
Fri, 2010-12-10 14:51
The drum beats pull you up
The drum beats pull you up straight,
as you stride in honour through the
image of the honoured one,
and as you go you shape her/his image
as a sculpted form
solid and unrockable
deeply respected, deeply cut.
Love to you dear Mand from Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
mand
Fri, 2010-12-10 15:40
Helloo Ann
Thanks Ann
Always good to have your comments - much honored and respected.
Loads of love to you
Mand xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
author commentEduardo Cruz
Fri, 2010-12-10 19:14
Mand
the respect goes to you, And your ablity to sulpt such a write.
Keep going don't stop now!
Always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
mand
Sat, 2010-12-11 04:07
Thank you Eddie
Nice to meet you. I'm so encouraged by everyones response to this poem. For me it was a complete change in direction - I don't know much about senryu or haiku so I didn't know what to expect. After reading all your comments I'll defiantley try writing more, but I need to do more research and find out more about it.
Really pleased you read and commented I really do appreciate the feedback.
Thank you
Love Mand xxxxxxx
author commentscribbler
Fri, 2010-12-10 20:45
sculpting
It would appear that you can sculpt in more mediums than one. In my attempts at Japanese styles I just recently was made aware that Haiku was restricted by subject as well as form. Senryu is less restrictive as to form so the syllable count in this could be altered if you wanted to. This is the sum of my knowledge of Japanese forms lol. Feels good to stretch your wings doesn't it ?
mand
Sat, 2010-12-11 04:17
Elloo Stan
Hope your o.k!! Me too. It does feel good to stretch the wings!! Kinda like stepping off the edge of a cliff! Didn't really know what to expect - reaction wise -. Fully expected to be told I needed to work on it. To be honest I'm totally amazed but pleased that it's worked out well! Great to hear from you Stan.
Keep safe my friend
And I always appreciate yours and everyone elses comments.
Loads of love
Mand xxxxxxxxx
author commentmand
Tue, 2010-12-14 08:35
Hi Shirl
First try at this type of poem. I was really pleased and amazed with the reaction. I will defiantely try more.
Thanks Shirl - as always you brighten my page.
Love and hugs Mand xxxxxxxxx
author commentmand
Tue, 2010-12-14 11:27
Thanks Xena
I enjoyed deviating from "my" norm. I've only ever written rhyming poems.
Thanks for reading and commenting Xena.
Soo good to hear from you and I hope you're o.k and managing to keep warm.
Love Mand xxxxxxxxx
author comment