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Scraps

Submitted by brittle light on Wed, 2016-05-04 02:10

A dripping old willow
sheltering
the gray and lost,
hushing colorless
rainbow sighs.

A raised goblet's shattering fall
had forever affixed
joy with despair.

Parched, dust covered dreams

A travelers trunk, rusted shut

Lullabies drifting, listless, unsung

Blank memories
tearfully pondered,
all the while,

the old willow just shakes off the rain

.............................................................

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
this raggedy patchwork needs a stylist, a makeover. Volunteers?....anyone?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Eduardo Cruz

Fri, 2016-05-06 15:21

Eduardo Cruz's picture

Very cribbed write, pictures of times passed.
I like what you captured here.
My three favorite lines that tell all of this poem;

"Parched, dust covered dreams

A travelers trunk, rusted shut

Lullabies drifting, listless, unsung"

The rhythm and structure is really, really well done!

thanks for sharing this jewel...

Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

brittle light

Sat, 2016-05-07 02:53

brittle light's picture

I do so appreciate your appraisal.
When I finished piecing this together, I started wondering if anyone could see it as anything but a patchworked mess.
Sometimes, staring too long at something can wobble one's vision.
Now I know someone else can see it to.
That is satisfying, to say the least.

thanks for the generous critique

Al

author comment

Roscoe Lane

Mon, 2016-05-09 00:12

Roscoe Lane's picture

Excellent, like this a lot for the reasons given above and more. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

brittle light

Mon, 2016-05-09 07:31

brittle light's picture

I thank you, my ego thanks you, and my alter ego, (who never knows what the hell is going on), would thank you too, if he could.

until,

Al

author comment
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