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Scottie, Beam me up

Submitted by Geremia on Sun, 2012-06-03 17:35

Scottie, Beam me up

I move between
the speed of life
and the point of freeze
pulled to the ground
bound by the gravity
of my situation.

There are times
when I stumble
and begin to fold
just before
I hit the floor
like a puppet
without a string
or a bird
with broken wing.

I’ve had enough
of this strange place.
There must be
a better star for me
In outer space.
Scottie, beam me up.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Nordic cloud

Mon, 2012-06-04 07:07

Nordic cloud's picture

This one has an underlying humour that is great,
blending the two emphasises the one sad reality,
and you do it well.

Great poem Joseph,
I love the folding its so expressive:-

"There are times
when I stumble
and begin to fold
just before
I hit the floor
like a puppet
without a string
or a bird
with a broken wing."

Scottie makes me think of a Scottie dog,
but it must have some other meaning that I don't yet know of!

Love Anni of Norway.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Geremia

Mon, 2012-06-04 09:22

Geremia's picture

Takk, Anni.

author comment

Kailashana2

Mon, 2012-06-04 08:08

Scotty, beam me up was said by Capt. Kirk and others on the Starship Enterprise. Sometimes I think we're all transplanted starchildren, trying to find our way back home (ET phone home!)

I wish you'd flesh this one out a little more, Joe...and lose the *a* before broken wing.

How are you doing these days?

~Anna

Geremia

Mon, 2012-06-04 09:26

Geremia's picture

Thanks, I took the titlr from STAR TRECK purposely.

Doing badly, my Anna.

Joe

author comment

Kailashana2

Mon, 2012-06-04 11:15

Sorry to hear that our Joe. You're writing and honing your craft, this is a good thing. A very good thing.

A & B

Geremia

Mon, 2012-06-04 12:05

Geremia's picture

I try to keep moving forward, my Anna.

author comment

judyanne

Mon, 2012-06-04 11:15

judyanne's picture
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lol - 'beam me up scottie'
- i heard somewhere that, no matter it is the phrase known by all trekkies and non-trekkies alike, it was actually never said in any epiosode of star trek...

'pulled to the ground
bound by the gravity
of my situation'
- i really like the introduction of the subtext here joe ... very clever with the double entendre of 'gravity'

.a very powerful write - great use of rhyme
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Geremia

Mon, 2012-06-04 12:04

Geremia's picture

Thanks, Judyann. I counted on readers knowing the allusion to STAR TRECK

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