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satori
when mind overflows
and being is exhausted
endless emptiness
mental upheaval
intuitive new insight
awakens essence
as water to ice
sweeps into textual change
altered awareness
exultation, rest
touching the destination
momentarily
.
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Western Australia
Favorite Poets
Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story
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Comments
Bryan
Tue, 2012-05-22 00:16
insightful
I like the poem. Would enjoy seeing your take on aware.
the first crocus
piercing winters blanket
brings satori
judyanne
Tue, 2012-05-22 01:34
thank you bryan
i have swapped the first two around - i think it flows a bit better
i love yours
and - lol - i'll ponder 'aware' :)
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentjudyanne
Wed, 2012-05-23 05:23
hi again brian
done my thinking - and i think i agee with jess
using the word kills it a little imho
xxx - just me though
perhaps something like
'a bulb of new light' ??
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2012-05-22 03:33
bryan, on your 'aware'
brings satori feels a bit heavy handed.
Perhaps
illuminates
or
all is clear
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Tue, 2012-05-22 03:29
oh, so cool, our lady of words
only the line
reaches sudden freezing point
feels a bit clunky, both in structure and meaning, the state change is almost never sudden, even though the temperature is critical, sudden. Perhaps
critical state change
?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Nordic cloud
Tue, 2012-05-22 15:52
This is superb ,superb
This is superb ,superb judyanne,
I specially love:-
"as water to ice
reaches sudden freezing point
altered awareness"
breathtaking...
annanya :)
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
judyanne
Tue, 2012-05-22 16:27
thank you annanya
lol - isn't it funny - that very stanza i am working on for change as per jess' suggestions
and i think he is right.
some thoughts i've had for the middle line
any preferences to help me out here?
at critical change of state
reaches/ achieves a textual change
sweeps into textual change
sweeping into transition
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentjudyanne
Wed, 2012-05-23 05:17
thank you lonnie
it isn't really free verse though
i'm attempting to describe the satori of haiku with the form of haiku
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentweirdelf
Wed, 2012-05-23 09:17
I like the revision
much better
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
judyanne
Wed, 2012-05-23 09:22
thanks jess
for the assistance
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
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