Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Satan's riddle (December contest)

As I was out, about, one day
I met the strangest man;
We talked of things, of wax and kings
As he, his tale, began.

He said he was a carpenter
But looked so fine and grand,
Sporting walrus whiskers
And walking cane to hand.

He told me of his lifetime,
Five hundred years or more;
He said that I knew nothing,
I was wasted heretofore

He said he'd speak a riddle
Before he'd by your leave,
I'd never glean the answer
Just so long as I may breath.

'tis round a dish as ever known
And white as snow the look of it;
There's food and life for all mankind
But no man e're partook of it.

If I could solve this enigma
I'd walk away scot-free;
If not the devil take my soul,
And steal away with me.

He laughed and said he had me,
That I was soundly beat;
And oh so soon I'd walk with him ~
The archfiend for to meet.

But he didn't know what made me grow
All those years by-go;
He figured wrong what made me strong
And made my lifeblood flow.

His laughing face would turn to stone
He'd see his ruse I'd bilk;
I answered his conundrum when
I explained that it's breast milk.


Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


The title is okay, the theme better and your choice of words to make the rhyme in places, was good. You didn't use words that couldn't be parsed and that made it better. The rhythm is smooth all the way through and I followed it easily from beginning to end. Nice job! ~ Geezer.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

I tried to make it a light hearted read with a message. The subject of the riddle is all about life.

Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan

author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.