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Sands of time (august contest)

We’re two demons dancing through The desert of despair laughing without a care as the sands of time slowly blows away with the air. Oh No I now Know it’s time to go so we kiss and cry as it is time to sway to the song of sorrow .for I will no longer live for tomorrow. So I cry and wave goodbye as I take my last breath exhaling the Bright fiery flamboyant flames of life and drink the cold lonesome empty mysterious macabre mist of death that.

Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Here
Editing stage: 
Contest: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hi Edward, I like your stream of consciousness poem. It has internal rhymes and the imagery is fine, as is the title. I wonder why you choose to compose a prose poem, when you have all the features of a sonnet or some other form?
I guess you prefer prose poetry. Enjoyed, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

I watch and listen I usually get these thoughts in my head sometimes it’s inconsistent because of adhd but I always try and I might succeed I might not but at least I have a chance.

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment

I agree with Gracy's comment....try put it in verse format...i think you deliberately left the last line after "that" i believe being the last word of life of the subject ...

Important...since you are submitting this for the ongoing contest,,,please add "(August Contest)" after the title...

best wishes for the contest..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you and bet wishes to you and keep your sanity in this time of insanity that plagues our humanity.

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment

hello, even though I enjoyed the imagery and flow of your poem,it left me feeling uneasy. good work.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Thank you

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment

As a prose poem, it does work... however in my view a stanza format works just as well.

Thank you

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment
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