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Samsara

Submitted by Seren on Thu, 2023-02-23 11:50

I've been waiting at the edge
but no smile curves for me,
I've watched as time went by
I now know, it isn't meant to be

As I breath out hope
I say a little prayer,
thanking all the gods
for the secrets bared

I've created life on earth
seen it fading to naught,
howled with pain so fierce
my spirit was distraught

seeing little deaths
on the faces I love,
tasting tears of joy
fall from eyes above

the wind has howled so loud
I couldnt hear my heart,
lifting up my souls hem
It then finally ripped apart

the sun has risen purple
upon the cusp of earth,
all the stars have fallen
tis all with little worth

living a thousand years
seeing across the void
the lonely and unloved
as their hearts destroyed

finding the true meaning
of this miniscule Esse,
is a solitary journey
devoid of any caresses

now in the dark of night
I've found a little peace,
preparing for the next life
is this one's centrepiece

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Thu, 2023-02-23 13:06

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this so beautiful. it is as if you had torn out a piece of your soul and given it to us as a gift of remembrance...

now in the dark of night
I've found a little peace,
preparing for the next life
is this one's centrepiece

*much love, the siscat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Seren

Thu, 2023-02-23 13:42

Seren's picture

Thank you so much I'm really chuffed you like this one, thanks so much for reading and your time I really appreciate it so much.

Love you always Lilbit xoxb

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Geezer

Thu, 2023-02-23 13:28

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and what I think it means.

"I've created life on Earth
seen it fading to naught
howled with pain so fierce
my spirit was distraught"

Just a couple of things; the word [Esse] is pronounced as [ess-ee], so will not rhyme with [caress],
and should be capitalized. The word [a part] should be welded together.

However, those two little things don't ruin the the message or intent. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Seren

Thu, 2023-02-23 13:50

Seren's picture

I am really glad you liked this one. It was a rough draft so I'll fix the Captial on Esse and the a part. I did some checking before I posted this one and it kept telling me that the two words rhymed. I need some sleep before I take my Grandson to school but I'll do some further research in the daylight it's 5 44am and I've not been to sleep yet. Thanks so much for spotting those mistakes and I will check those two words. Maybe the resource pages I am using are wrong.

I really appreciate you reading this one it was a rainy night here and I love writing in the atmosphere it creates

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Geezer

Thu, 2023-02-23 21:25

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that I am wrong, but the way I read it in the google search, it claims that the ending is pronounced as ee, rather than es. I read everything that you post. Most times, I don't find anything that I would consider telling you about. But seeing as this struck me as a personal favorite, I felt that I should tell you. ~ Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Seren

Sat, 2023-02-25 22:33

Seren's picture

I checked with someone who's an English lit guy and he says they are a rhyme, I think it maybe a pronunciation problem with the explanation in Google I often check my reference books because Google doesn't know it all, hope Hes not listening lol

love and higgliest bugs Sis

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Dalton

Thu, 2023-02-23 14:14

I love the ruthless hope displayed in the denouement as a whole actually reminded me of my very favourite contemporary poem “Centre of the Universe” by Paul Durcan I think you’d love that one. I love your closing lines life has been hard but a bright shore awaits thee thanks for sharing love John xxx

Seren

Sat, 2023-02-25 22:38

Seren's picture

Ruthless hope, I think you've just described me in two words even though I have been to hell and back I seem to just keep on keeping on. If it reminded you of your favourite poem, I am truly humbled because this one was just doddles on a page and I decided to post it, one day when It's done, I will share something with you I hope you like it.

thanks for your kind review they're always appreciated!

love Jayne xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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lovedly

Fri, 2023-02-24 08:34

lovedly's picture

As I ..breathE... out hope

Seren

Sat, 2023-02-25 22:39

Seren's picture

Thanks for the pickup I was tired when I posted this one and wasn't very thorough in my editing, this one started as a doddle and became a poem.

love and hugs Sis

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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