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SALVATIONHOUSE

He dreamt of her
dreaming, they made their way together, thru the vast grey

there were people of all races
someone was with them, walking

them to a bench seat, inside a intimate box
with room to rest, full length

stretched out, and the someone could kneel beside
one hand could just reach, the eyelids

treelimbs shook below with the warm wind
God could be felt, a presence.

The person lying there was sometimes wild eyed
with no movement of arms, or legs

escaping from the intimate box, an argent light
kneeling somebody smiled as peaceful, content

While transcending bruises and the deep cuts , or even tumors
the box vibrated twice, easily calming

corporeal concerns lost, just no longer needed
the someone still smiling, reached over and closed the eyes.

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Review Request (Direction): 
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How was my language use?
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Editing stage: 
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Not Explicit Content

Comments

This was part of a dream. The only part I could write...

The two line satnzas were the way to go... all came out in just minutes.

Your suggestion about moving “them” is a good one. I wanted to connect those two stanzas with that word break, however ‘to a bench seat’ does that as well, without the ‘them’.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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author comment

Sounds like a dream of a funeral. About the final rites having a calming effect on those left behind. The box being a coffin and the "someone" being a person of faith commending the soul to the Heavens? Just guessing... But, I think Teddy is right; a piece unlike any other I've seen from you. Nice! ~ Geez.
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Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

You have a tremendous understanding of the piece. I’m not sure I could have said all that.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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author comment

humorist of neo
he encourages me mostly
and advises
I rest from poetry
tc

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