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Rula's anapaest quatrain (Bottom Line WS)

 

in- the-kit|chen- of-po|et-ry-let's|with-each-o|ther-re-hearse|
all-the-words| in-the-po-|tte-ry-, add| to-them-rhy|thm-and-rhyme
on-the fi|er of muse | you can paint |the-i-mag|es-in-verse
you have-got|it-there-rea-|dy-for-eve|ry-one's -taste|in-no-time.                            

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments

In the kitchen of poetry, let's with each other rehearse, (Bravo)
all the words in the pottery, add to them rhythm and rhyme, (Again)
 

on the fi- / re of in- / spi-ra-tion / put the im- / ag-es / in verse. (this is complex. First, know that there is nothing wrong with the line other than it does not follow a strict Anapestic line for the purpose of the workshop. What you have are two Anapestic feet and then... an Amphibrach, which is an accented syllable surrounded by two unaccented syllables. e.g. "alluring", "commotion". Then you have a Phyrric, two unaccented syllables and lastly an Iamb)
Now you've got it there ready for every one's taste in no time.  (     T(

(The last line begins a tad shaky, but the rest is Anapest. All in all a good try at a difficult form)

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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trying to put it in strict anapestic, hope it scans better now.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

In the kitchen of poetry let's with each other rehrase
all the words in pottery, add to them rhythm and rhyme.
on the fire of muse you can paint images in verse
you have got it there ready for every one's taste in no time

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

The problem you are having is the same that everyone is having. You are forcing a commonly accented syllable to be unaccented.

Look at "pottery". In the meter the first syllable of "pottery" must be unaccented, but "pottery" is accented on the first syllable. You have allowed the natural pronunciation of the word to be set up in an inappropriate position in your verse.

 

all the words / in pot-te- / ry, add to them rhythm and rhyme. (Do you see how I was forced to accent the "te" to maintain my meter, but that means I am pronouncing "potter" incorrectly.

on the fire of muse you can paint images in verse (Here you simply dropped a syllable at the end. Catalectics are perfectly acceptable in poetry, but it does not conform to the strictness of a workshop exercise. That's all. Otherwise you have the understanding. I hope you will write the last exercise and use a combination of Dactyl and Trochee or Anapest and Iamb.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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